I just got diagnosed with autism, at 54 years old. And it's a lot.

"A significant percentage of the pain of any disability, of any difference, is navigating the social exclusion of a world made for the majority, when you're not in that group." Nailed it, thank you for putting your experience into words. Wish you all the best in your journey!

I’m 55 and in the exact same boat as you are in. I’ve long suspected that I might be a high functioning austistic because it runs in the family and my nephew and niece were diagnosed as on the spectrum. I took two credible autism tests online and was shocked by how high I scored. (My wife scored low on the exact same tests.) However, when I told this to my neurologist his reply was, “Autism is a childhood disease”. I guess no one cares if you are an autistic adult. We’re just expected to get on with life and somehow deal with the fact that we aren’t equipped to handle normal human interactions.

I've recently been diagnosed. I'm 62. I've always known that I just don't quite fit in. I've always struggled in busy noisy situations. I can't think straight. I can't hear properly because brain just takes a while to process things. All my life I've felt like I'm broken but now I know I'm not. It's so good to have an older person talking about their experience. Most of the people I follow describe themselves as late diagnosed but they're still under 30!

Ouch. This has been my experience pretty much, I was recently forced out of my job because I told them I was autistic. My work reviews and everything were always amazing, and within a week of them knowing, they changed the way they spoke and acted around me and forced me out of my job. I personally wouldn't go around telling everyone, as they do weaponize it. It wasn't the first place either. Happy that you got your diagnosis though!

So well articulated. I have a suspicion this video is going to help a LOT of people. Well done.

I was diagnosed at 48. My suggestion? Love yourself and embrace your wellbeing. Life is short. I find more of my identity with creatures other than humans but all we can do is our best to survive and thrive.

Same story as yours my friend. I’m 51 and yes the grief for the lost and very difficult “Best years of my life” is too real. It is great to why I am who I am but I’m seriously devastated. I have no one to comfort me and I really need it right now. Thanks for sharing your story, I see I’m not on my own. I’m looking forward to seeing you thrive

hi mat, im a 13 year old autistic girl, i haven’t yet got an official diagnosis but i’m waiting for the answer of if i can be put on the waiting list for one or not. it’s very hard to be diagnosed as a girl or AFAB person, but i think people forget that boys, men, AMAB people can also not get a diagnosis due to masking or just inaccessible diagnoses. i’m also glad you pointed out that autism is a disability and a neurotype, but not a illness or disease, because my paediatrician kept insisting i had “autism spectrum disease” which just made me feel so dehumanised because personally, i just like being called “autistic”. an “autistic person”. because that’s what i am, it’s a part of me in my opinion. i’m greatful for being (nearly) diagnosed quite young but i do feel like i’ve missed out on the first 13 years of my life, so i can’t imagine not knowing what’s happening in your brain for 54 years. i think one of the worst parts of my journey, is i worked out i was autistic when i was around 11, and i thought it was this huge secret that i could never let get out, but it turns out my family have known most of my life that i was likely autistic, just didn’t want to go through the huge process of a diagnosis. i understand where they’re coming from but it was almost traumatic being a kid with no reason for being “weird”, “annoying”, “exhausting”. i’ve masked a lot in my life but i think that almost made me come off as more “weird”, because i wasn’t quite copying the other kids as well as i thought i was

I always thought I am a massive introvert with social anxiety. But I am wondering if there is something else. Thank you very much for sharing your experience.

I'm an Autistic CBT therapist /Counsellor diagnosed in my 40's and I'm certain that I have ADHD too. I work an awful lot with neuro divergence as part of a Primary Care Counselling team in a major UK City. I think people may be surprised by the full extent of the numbers. There are many people undiagnosed and I would go as far as to say that neuro divergent people make up a significant proportion of the population. I always say that ASD, ADHD whatever it is is not a disability, but a different way of being or thinking. It's not easy being a square peg in a round hole. If there's one thing that I hear almost without exception is that 'I always felt different '. Will be following this channel with interest. Well done for helping to raise awareness of neurodiversity. It really does take some courage to do so and you will be helping many people in the process I am sure 🙏

I cried for weeks for all the time spent trying to be like everyone else and failing and beating myself up for it. I cried for all the times my family was cruel about it as well. I cried for that wasted energy that could have been put into things I was passionate about. I cried because I could have been living more truthfully and letting people into my reality more and really connecting if I had had the language, and I felt robbed. Then I realized the only thing worse than denying yourself for years was denying yourself for years and a day. And now I could turn off The Emily Show and save myself the wasted time. People were really accepting. Some of my friends were not even surprised at all lmao. Now I have friends where I don't have to mask if I don't want to and they will even engage with me in my more idiosyncratic passions. And I certainly put more time and energy into what really works for me. There's a ways to go, but I am slowly leaning into a life where I am no longer overstimulated constantly and can actually get relaxed sometimes. Because I'm not asking myself to do it like other people now. The drill sergeant in my head is slowly morphing into something much sweeter. ...and I also take it way less personally when someone remarks that something I do is odd. Because after about a year, I do not mind being odd anymore. Its very "so what." Just another day lmao The biggest thing was remembering all the times people did let me be myself, and learning to no longer cater to my family especially. There are many people who like me for who I am. I didn't notice as much because I was so exhausted catering to those who never could. It's not an exclusively autistic tale of growth. But learning to let go of people who will never be here for it is the thing that brings so many people from so many walks of life that real, real relief.

I used to tutor the neurodivergent at a learning center at a college I used to attend, almost 20 years ago. All tutors took a battery of small tests at a workshop to see how well we understood neurodivergence and how the neurodivergent view the world; if we were able to understand their way of thinking, so to speak. While I don’t think these tests were diagnostic material per se, I scored the highest of any tutor on every single test, whether it was autism, dyslexia, ADHD, etc. Other tutors were perplexed at my “skills” when it came to this and asked “how in the world” did I know that. I was confused as to how others couldn’t possibly have interpreted things the way I did with those tests, it was just natural to me. Fast forward all these years later and I was just dx’d ADHD last year, and I am now considering getting tested/evaluated for autism. It’s all coming full circle now. I fell through the cracks all these years due to excellent masking, and having been an attractive woman growing up (or so I was told as much anyway). I have always felt a bit socially awkward, even during my most confident times, and I met most of the supposed childhood traits that lend themselves towards autism. At my graduation even, for my masters degree there’s a picture of me unknowingly doing the T Rex arms haha.

man the rejection by friends can be real though. people often dont tell you why either. you just stop getting invited to things. if people would communicate directly what they like or dont like that i do/say i could easily adjust

"Limited-edition variant. Super collectible." I love it, thanks for this. Was diagnosed a couple of years ago, and it's very validating to hear about others path of self-discovery.

I was diagnosed with autism this year at the age of 36. I have the same feelings as you, a new understanding of my past and current behaviour but also a sadness for the lost years and pain of the past. Unfortunately for me my autism has largely negatively effected my employment and academic achievements and I don't really know how to fix that. As you said the world is not made for us and even with the caviats that are afforded us I am still unable to succeed. My one solice is that I have been married for 10 years to my lovely wife and I have been able to make some close friends who seem to accept me. Thankyou for making this video, it makes me feel like I'm less alone with being diagnosed later in life and it's good to know that there are other people out there with shared experiences.

This resonates. I am 52 and was diagnosed with ADHD in May... The psychiatrist then said he wanted another session with me and after that one told me that I also have "significant autism"... And his suggestion was to embrace my inner Sheldon Cooper. A lot of what you have said here describes how I have felt my life and feel now. De-masking is actually, though weirdly tough, freeing. I don't need to pretend now. Thank you.

As a fellow neurodivergent i absolutely love your take on this! 😊

I live in Argentina, I am 61, and you have depicted the story of my life since I was 4. The main feeling I recall is terror, and also not understanding why I was constantly supposed to do things which had no sense and reject others that for me werent bad. The cost of living like that is huge. I found something valuable in poets (not the commercial ones certainly), whom I felt like brothers. Its still difficult for me, since I dont fit in such a violent, fake and vertiginous society which makes us sick, which is too far from a brotherhood. Thanks for your video.

You've elegantly put into words struggles that are nebulous and difficult for many to describe. Beautiful video!

My best friend was diagnosed last year at 55. After having a hard time expressing many of the things you did so eloquently in this video, he killed himself in October. I've been struggling to understand ever since. Thank you for putting this out - I appreciate the insight and it actually helped me get at least a little understanding of what he was going through. ❤