#WaitingOnGod - why I'm waiting on God

You are such an amazing person!! Such an amazing woman of God! I was so blessed and touched by your story!! <3

Thank you so much for tyour Testimony. I am praying for you

Thank you for sharing, dear Stacy. God bless you.

First and Foremost, As I have many times in the past, I will start out by saying how sorry I am for what I had become.  That wasn't who I am, and not a day goes by where I don't wake up feeling horrible about myself for what I did to you.  It was evil, and vile, and I've broken down many times asking not only you but God for forgiveness, and to recant for my sins. There is a similarity in this whole situation that I feel you need to see.  Obviously my inexcusable actions have left a stinging and lasting impression, and have molded you into the person you are today.  You live every day with the lesson I regrettably taught you, and you use that energy to propel yourself away from that into the life you want and deserve.  I will always be a dark chapter in your life's story, but you constantly revisit that chapter so you know when you come across the same situation, you're ready to get away from that. I was in the same situation.  I lived through the horrors of combat, I did things to this day I can not stomach.  I see images of those I killed and those I let die in my dreams nightly.  When you first met me, I was a 21 year old KID who didn't want to live with what had happened.  Who wanted to die.  Who had no real expression for life except for the next time I could get drunk and for a brief moment forget about what I had done.  The anger I expressed towards you wasn't your fault, and I know what I did was wrong.  You never were there to hurt me, you were there to help me, and all the negativity I threw on you was just the inner hate I had for myself.  I can never change what I did, nor take back the disgusting words and actions, but just like you, I have that chapter in my life, and I revisit it constantly so whenever I see the same words on the page, I know it's time to close that book and open up a new one--a better one. Now, we're both 2 and a half years removed from this situation.  You've done an amazing job raising our son, and I've done the best I can to get myself on a clean, sober and honorable path.  I have tried many times to prove that to you and your family, but have only been met with stunning resistance.  I understand that I will never be received warmly again, but posting videos like this lime lighting this is not healthy. I lay awake at nights dreading the day Courage asks me why you and I don't talk, don't spend time together, and wants to know what happened, and I'll ultimately have to atone for my sins.  I'd rather I be given the chance to ask him for forgiveness, than for him to find this video and me never be afforded the chance. Please, for all of our sake.  Remove this.   -Josh.