How I got mugged by the stupidest thief ever /// Stories from Eastern Bloc

Literally pulled the "I'm gonna give you $100 to fuck off" trick, but adjusted for Eastern European prices

I was mugged once, but then the guy saw that I had a 5 year old Android phone and gave it back because he didn't steal from the poor.

the response "sorry, I don't have my phone. gimme a minute, I can get it for you" has to be the most Boris response to a mugging, ever

"Stories from the Eastern Bloc" NEEDS to become a series 100% needs boris stories, but i think some fan stories would spice things up a bit this gud 👍

Boris is the type to get mugged and start negotiating himself from getting stabbed down to 10 dollars

"OH IS THIS ONE OF THOSE STABBINGS IVE BEEN HEARING ABOUT?!" is crazy 😂

This happened like 25 years ago, My dad trained us to defend ourselves from a young age. The most holy shit mug attempt story comes from my older sister (built like a twig, but will and strength of a line backer). My brother and I were walking with her in Manhattan, we walked down to the subway terminal on our way home from school (she came from high school picked us up from the elementary/middle school and walked us home, that was the routine) and as soon as we got down the stairs and one of a few people waiting. Two men came up to my sister, grabbed her, and us demanding we give money or she gives herself otherwise they'll hurt us. As soon as one had his back turned to her, facing us, the other got flipped onto the ground and kneed his head. When he faced her, too late she pulled every move Dad taught her on that asshole until a minute before the train showed up. She has 3 boys, none of which know how much of a badass their mom was when we were kids.

Boris, we are continents apart, but here in South America we too had people mugging others with HIV syringes. I remember being mugged once, the guy said he'd kill me and then kill himself. I only gave in to his demands because I had no way of verifying if he'd kill himself after killing me.

I love how a guy from Eastern Europe and a guy from West Virginia can at least share the experience of the POTATO CANNON

When I was 14 or 15 I was on the obligatory tour of concentration camps that all students in Europe did at the time. In krakow I had just been at one of the tourist traps selling junk weapons that was poorly put together. My purchase was nothing special, but to my young self the triangle bayonet tip mounted to a brass knife handle with skulls on the hilt and pommel was the coolest thing ever and my mind was hyperfixated on this when I was stopped in a back alley by someone who looked to be in the early twenties in a tracksuit jacket holding a pocket knife yelling at me in polish. I spoke no polish and he spoke no english, but in hindsight I assume he was trying to intimidate me. At the time, due to my hyperfixation on my new knife, which was the reason I snuck away from the group to buy so that I could hide it in my luggage and smuggle it back to my own country (not sure if it would have been illegal to transport into the country, but it was absolutely against my schools policy), I though this person was trying to sell me the knife he was waving at me with one hand and with the other he took out some cash. Afterwards it occurred to me that this was his way of showing what he wanted and the knife was his means of getting it, but at the time I still thought he was trying to sell me the knife for money. I tried in english and very rudimentary german to convey that I had already bought a knife and was not interested in a second knife, much less a smaller and less impressive pocket knife, but as this only seemed to agitate him more I thought I would show him why I did not need his knife. So I took off my backpack. At this point he was probably thinking that finally he was getting somewhere with this stupid tourist and that I was going to get out my wallet, but instead I took out my own knife. From memory I don't think I held it in a threatening way, as my intention was to demonstrate that I had bought a nicer knife and did not need a second one, but either way he said something that sounded like swearing (from the tone), put his wallet and knife in his pockets and walked away. Only when I got back to the hotel did it dawn on me that this person was probably trying to rob me, and that this misunderstanding was my very own crocodile dundee moment. TLDR: Kid me was attempted robbed at knifepoint in krakow, but due to a misunderstanding, pulled off a "that's not a knife, this is a knife"

Slavic stoicism is a force to reckon, mad respect, man.

Im glad Boris explained his experience getting mugged exactly how I thought he would.

Boris hasn't posted in 2 months, I'm starting to worry that Vadim has stolen his computer. I will make soup, drink vodka, and await his return.

I got mugged once when walking down a lonely street with a couple friends. One of them asked me if I had my phone with me, to check the time, as as I was saying “Yes, I have it but I'm taking it to-” a pair of guys materializes from thin air separing my friends and me (we were like 14 years old maybe), one of the guys puts a gun in my stomach, and demands the phone. I then said on sich a stupidly calmy way “Please wait a moment” as I slowly and patienly took it out my pocked and give it to him, then they just vanished. I met my friends again, they were shock, and I was holding my laugh as that particular phone had just broke completely the day before and I was taking it to the shop guy for him to tell me it was saveless. So the guy basically just stole a piece of plastic that maybe had only the battery working

Ever since 1960 life in Russia has just been the embodiment of a really bad hangover

This was great, reminded me of the time someone tried to mug me when I was homeless. He put a knife to my gut and asked for everything I had, so I handed him my backpack of dirty clothes. He felt so bad about it he bought me a case of beer and drank a few with me in the alley. Weird times. Also, RA2 is an absolute banger.

Listening to Boris' stories is literally best thing that can happen in a normal day.

I got mugged once. I was 18 at the time and coming back from buying a few pastéis (the equivalent in my country of a chebureki) for my grandma. I think the thieves saw me paying and followed me, so as I walked back to my grandma house, there was no one around on the streets, was a lazy Sunday, when suddenly two boys, probably two or three years younger than me, appear out of nowhere on a bike and one points a gun at me, immediately putting the gun on my back. Problem for them is, I saw the "gun". It was made.of plastic. It was a toy. He kept saying how he was going to shoot me if I didn't give my cellphone, I think it was a Nokia at the time, and so I say to him "ok, then shoot". Because I knew the gun was fake. He is taken back at it, because I'm bigger than both of them, if he let go of my shirt and I grab him, he knows I can beat him. He keeps insisting, and I keep insisting. His friend, on their "escape vehicle", is getting nervous, telling him to hurry up. We stay on this for like, five minutes, but I'm only thinking that the pastéis will get cold, so offer the change of the pastéis for them to just fuck off. The boy grabs it and they leave. It's funny, because I felt pretty much like Boris.

I grew up in Hungary. I was around 13-14 when a younger gipsy boy stood in front of me and demanded money. I was taller and older, so I literally laughed right in his face and boarded the bus I was waiting for. When I looked back, he was the most confused and miserable little boy I've ever seen. I felt sorry for him, I honestly hope he didn't turn into a criminal.

Boris, I've been on the verge of s**cide for almost my whole life. I've been having a very severe episode for days and you made me laugh when all I could do was cry. Thank you for making me laugh through the pain.