Good Relationships: The Gottman Method | Drs John & Julie Gottman | Ten Percent Happier & Dan Harris

Published 2023-02-06
Dr John and Julie Gottman on the Gottman Method for Healthy Relationships. If you care about your long term health and happiness, the quality of your relationships is an area you should focus on. And the good news here is that love – as it applies to friends, family, and romantic partners – is not a factory setting, but instead a skill. Drs. John and Julie Gottman from ‪@TheGottmanInstitute‬ are the perfect guests to talk about how to cultivate good relationships in your life. 

World-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, Dr. John Gottman has conducted over 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. He is the co-founder of The Gottman Institute [www.gottman.com/] and Affective Software Inc.
[affectivesoftware.com/] as well as author of over 200 published academic articles and author or co-author of more than 40 books, including The New York Times bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work [www.gottman.com/product/the-seven-principles-for-m…]. 

Dr. Julie Gottman is the Co-Founder and President of The Gottman Institute
[www.gottman.com/] and Co-Founder of Affective Software, Inc
[affectivesoftware.com/]. A highly respected clinical psychologist and
author, she is sought internationally by media and organizations as an expert
advisor on marriage, domestic violence, gay and lesbian adoption, same-sex
marriage, and parenting issues. She is the co-creator of the immensely popular
The Art and Science of Love weekend workshop for couples and she also
co-designed the national clinical training program in Gottman Method Couples
Therapy. 

This podcast episode explores: how to talk (and listen) to your partner in moments of
conflict; what to do before you start trying to solve a problem together; why
“there’s no such thing as constructive criticism;” the details of John’s
research findings, which have allowed him to predict with stunning accuracy
whether a couple will get divorced; how the Gottmans themselves do when it comes
to operationalizing their findings/advice; how and why betrayal occurs; when a
couple should consider separating; the role mindfulness can play in healthy
relationships; and the role of humor in relationships.

Content warning: There are a few mentions of sensitive topics, most notably domestic violence, which Julie discusses for a few minutes towards the end of the interview. 

Full Shownotes:
www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/john-julie-gott…

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All Comments (21)
  • @dr.florence
    I love the Gottmans, bern following for a while. I wished John would say more often what I heard him say ONCE: that none of this applies when one of the partners has a deeper mental health issue like a personality disorder or other emotional immaturity. My ex-husband for whom I have no anger, pnly compassion, has borderline personality disorder. My dad is a textbook narcissist. None of the good communication skill methods work with such people who are so traumatised into hurting themselves and others like no tomorrow. So. It's crucial to remember and state clearly that this good stuff can only do its magic when the groundwork is stable.
  • @grafxgrl8030
    I love this couple. I learned so much from them. It does seem like though when she says she’s some organ and she talks slowly that she never stops talking. I would love to hear more from John.
  • @JaySims
    Im currently in counseling over the Gottman method. They are amazing- just marinating on everything I can find on them on YT- THANK YOU for posting!!!!
  • @matt96920
    my fiancé and I are often sarcastic with one another, and we both kind of love it. I think there is a sharp distinction b/w general sarcasm and sarcastic contempt.
  • We decide to be loyal to cherish what you have! Moment to moment day to day. Exactly
  • @nancyhynes804
    Excellent, delightful interview and conversation. Thank you!
  • @nadiar8244
    Thank you so much for this priceless opportunity to learn 🙏
  • @brendacole736
    I love ALL your video's 😊 I have learned so so much, I have hope that what I am learning can repair my marriage. Thank you so very much
  • This is a really good podcast. I really like the concrete techniques. In my experience humor can also come out as sarcasm cynicism which can minimize what the other person wants to talk about
  • Can the gottmans address tackling this with adhd /add or perhaps mild autism in one or both partners
  • Why do they never talk about verbal and emotional abuse where the perpetrator doesn’t take responsibility. The victim can’t claim partial responsibility for it
  • @KellerLatina
    Soo many ads on this video. Not conducive to happy listener.
  • Have y'all talked about doing video podcasts for YT? Would love to have a visual aid to take the conversations in through if possible!
  • @jaredvaughan1665
    John is INTJ. His relationship advice is more thinking and reason based than the emotional based advice of INFJ created Emotion Focused Therapy.