How to Read People’s True Character

One's ability to "read the room" is sometimes a nice way to describe hypervigilance resulting from an entire childhood of walking on eggshells. This skill has served me well in corporate capitalism where narcissistic behavior is incentivized, but not as well in intimate relationships.

‘Just because someone does something good for you doesn’t mean they are good. They might have buried motives they aren’t even aware of.’ Good lesson!

I remember when my parents became “people” in my eyes and not just these two dimensional “mom and dad” representatives. It was disturbing when I saw the deep manipulation, passive aggressiveness in its entirety and I had an almost hatred for them for a long time. But then I became even MORE in tuned than I already was w people and instead of having hatred for them (my parents included) I started having empathy and really understanding WHY they were the way they were. Now the biggest thing I see in people is FEAR. Even people who seem “bad”, I can see past that to simply fear and sadness.

"When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." Mya Angelo

I thought I could read people extremely well until recently I met someone who had such a carefully cultivated persona that he fooled me into thinking he was something he wasn't. Realising that it's still possible for someone to fool me after believing I had this gift was a bitter pill for me to swallow indeed.

Say "no" to someone, or don't give them their way and see how they react.

The irony is, most "Bad" people I know are chronical testers of character.

Biggest secret just be silent and let them talk people tell on themselves everytime.

I am 80 years old and still feel an emptiness where my parent's love for me should be. I have learned to forgive them, and understand many things about them after reading many many books. The ache never goes away. It is dulled because I understand it.

For most of my life I have felt like my boundaries are too "high strung", but as I age I realize my gut has been right for me. I give people the benefit of the doubt out of a lack of confidence in my own character. Now I realize I must put myself first in every budding relationship, and then reduce my boundaries over a longer period of time of reciprocity and developing connection. There are many beautifully mindful people in the world and they are PATIENT, not forced. It's easy to get swept up in the charisma and sexuality of others who are ready to give and take everything in a moments notice, but they are empty inside and will bring chaos and a lack of true connection. It is up to us as individuals to find peace and love internally.

The way to read character is to open up to people slowly. It takes at least a year of knowing someone and spending a lot of time with them so you see them during difficult times. How they react when shit hits the fan is the best way to know who they really are. Don’t assume you know someone after a few months

People tend to get angry when you understand them better than them

You will never know a person's true character by trying to read them. It takes time.

If you assume most people will disappoint you then you can be better prepared. I can’t wait to retire and be rid of psychopaths in the workplace. It’s all about exploitation and bullying. Avoiding them or dealing with them in personal life, however, is so easy. Observe behaviour not words. You know if someone really cares about you by listening to yourself and how you feel in your body. You might get a tightness in chest, a headache, or just feel low in the presence of someone. Your body will warn you. It works for animals. They are in tune with themselves. We overthink and end up rationalising, and ignoring dangers.

I think that we tend to project onto people and then find that we were the false/inaccurate projector. Careful with projecting.☮

It’s really heartbreaking sometimes to see who people really are, especially those you love. Once you understand and see the truth in someone, you can’t unsee it. Things will never be the same with that person.

My list How well they take no for an answer. The way they talk about others. Whether or not the treat you as equal. Whether or not they open up.

For me, I have to learn to trust my instincts. When people tell you or show you who they are, believe them.

I used to be blind in a sense that I ignored all red flags and was ready to accept everything for fear of abandonment. I was completely devoid of self preservation instinct even though as a child/teenager I experienced A LOT of abuse and developed multiple survival mechanisms. Right now I feel like I'm cursed with this weird ability to read other people's intentions, but I tend to see bad things first (I never expect good from others) which is most likely one of my survival mechanisms making me hypervigilant and always aware of my surroundings. I have always been nothing but giving to others, trying to rescue everyone, never judging always standing for those persecuted but too many a time receiving blows at the same time. This resulted in my love for solitude and it came with age (I'm in my late 40s). I was super naive with many friends and acquaintances in my 20s and early 30s. I don't care about people any more, 2 very close friends is enough and all I can handle.

Thanks Daniel! You always help me think deeper and realise hard things. I like to do a simple kindness assessment on people: 1. Are they competitive with me? 2. Are they dismissive to me? 3. Are they generally closed-minded? 4. Are they often asking favours? It tells me enough to avoid selfish, hurtful people and move on quickly … i have to be fast to make a kindness assessment before my childhood training to pathologically feed narcissists kicks in.