3 Ways to Deal with Envious Friends...
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Published 2023-02-22
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“Almost inevitably, somewhere along the path of our friendships, we are fated to stumble upon one of the most paradoxical yet universal of characters: the envious friend.
At one level, this person is kind, sympathises with us in our sorrows and believes that they want the best for us. Yet, despite such salutary affections, we may not be able to overlook some more troubling dynamics shimmering beneath the surface:
- when we invite them for dinner, they repeatedly ‘forget’ to say thank you.
- when we have a new partner, they don't appear overly pleased
- when we get a new job, they don’t ask us a single question about how its going.
The situation is as wounding as it is uncharted. How are we to cope? Can this be happening to us? A few ways forward suggest themselves…”
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Keegan hill
Title animation produced in collaboration with
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All Comments (21)
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I can't remember the last time I felt envy, it's been decades, but that's because I'm very happy and grateful for the life I have. I celebrate my friends' successes, unreservedly.
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A wise man once said, “Be careful who you let on your ship. Some people will sink the whole ship just because they can’t be the captain.” Some of the most poisonous people come disguised as friends.
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I recently ended a friendship with someone who I’ve known for a long time. He checked all the boxes described in this video. I eventually got tired of always listening to him and helping him out when he needed it but not getting any of that from him. It always felt like he was treating me like I was the selfish and entitled when in fact he was the one being selfish and entitled. It doesn’t feel good to lose a friend but I feel better off without him.
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In Jamaica we have a term to describe this; it's called badmind. So sad that some ppl don't understand that everyone has their own paths in life. Today for you, tomorrow for me. These sort of ppl who envy others will sometimes sabotage your happiness so they can bask in your loss. Badmind ppl
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"envy is concealed admiration." - Soren Kierkegaard
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I've seen an envious person in art group I've joined. He was a president of the group, makes a lot of money than me, got more connections than me, more athletic than me, and one thing he envied; my art. bec he knows I draw and paint better (in advanced way) than him and seems like he's preventing me from succeeding. I guess my gut feeling was right.
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I can remember the last time I was envious and it made me sick once I realized it. Once I learned to be grateful it was easier to see loved ones success as my success.
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It is the most painful feeling when practically ever girlfriend envies you. I am devastated from it. Most of my friends have betrayed me out of jealousy.
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There’s a difference between friends who are occasionally envious and people who truly don’t like you and are envious though. Some people don’t want the reassurance either, they just truly don’t like you and because of what you have it makes it worse.
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Envious family members and people from the same culture really made me depressed growing up. I am 35 years old and still just about recovering from the toxic bad memories.
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Not all envious friends/family are here to stay. I've been disregarded by some, and others I've had to avoid. Their fake smiles and passive-aggressiveness just don't sit well with me. I'm better off with those who still treat me the same than pleasing those who can't count their blessings.
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Envious siblings are a much bigger problem.
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This seems easier said than done. I'd rather cut the envious people out my life altogether before they backstab me.
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I am not a jealous person but I've lived with very miserable envious people. I can appreciate good traits and achievements even in enemies and turn them into inspiration for me
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My siblings are like this. So I stop talking about what I do. Pointed it out to them why they never asked how I was doing and it was only me asking. No point to share my happiness if they are not happy about it.
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Friends are not envious. The much more important lesson is to have discernment before calling anyone a friend...
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I've been watching different videos from TSOL and seems like most, if not all, problematic issues end up having the same solution: greater love, care and reassurance between humans.
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You need to ignore what your friends are doing and achieving. Your life is about breaking your own limits and outgrowing yourself to live your best life. You are not in competition with anyone else; plan to outdo your past, not other people. Don’t compare your life to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time.
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The video discusses the issue of envy in friendships and offers three solutions for coping with it. The first is accepting that envy is a natural feeling and being honest about it. The second is discussing jealousy with friends in a playful and non-judgmental way. The third is reassuring envious friends that they are still loved and valued, as they ultimately seek this. The video argues that these solutions can help prevent envy from causing shame and embarrassment in friendships.
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I do think we all get jealous of our friends from time to time, especially when it looks like they are moving forward and we aren't, but we should not let it get to envy, we all have our times and seasons of growth and progress.
