Does Our High School Popularity Affect Us Today? | Mitch Prinstein | TEDxUniversityofNevada

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Published 2019-03-22

Psychologist Mitch Prinstein talks about why we are biologically programmed to care about what others think of us, why teenagers first become addicted to popularity, and why being “cool” in high school may be bad for our long-term happiness and success. For the first time in the history of the human species, Prinstein argues, we have become confused about two different types of popularity, and many of us may unwittingly be focused on the wrong one. Mitch Prinstein, author of “Popular: Finding Happiness and Success in a World That Cares Too Much About the Wrong Kinds of Relationships,” is a board-certified clinical child and adolescent psychologist and the John Van Seters Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He has been the Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, the President of the Society for a Science of Clinical Psychology, President of the Society for Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, and a member of the American Psychological Association Board of Directors. He and his research have been featured in over 200 international and national media outlets, including The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, National Public Radio, The Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, CNN, Time magazine, New York magazine, The Atlantic, Scientific American, Forbes, Newsweek, Family Circle and elsewhere. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

All Comments (21)

@squiddy3915 5 years ago

having social anxiety in high school is almost like a death sentence
@Aven-Sharma1991 5 years ago

It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of you at school, after all? You’ll most probably never see those people again in your life. So relax. Nothing remains the same. Things change all the time.
@coachbahman 5 years ago

bulliying traumatizes people for life..
@melisshass3592 5 years ago

Social media makes people more concern about that "status" popularity, and it's horrible.
@Misscollage 5 years ago

To anyone reading this, you’re welcome in my herd.
@user-insight 4 years ago

I am still traumatized by the rejection by my close friends and bullying by those who valued status. I am shedding my defense mechanisms every year but, the memories still feel bitter
@_Alimm 5 years ago

I was unpopular and bullied A LOT in high school. I had social anxiety and just didn't know how to fit in anywhere. It was a horrible time for me but now in my mid-twenties I can say I'm in a much better place. I have incredible friends, I'm accomplished and tend to get along with most people. Who I was in HS and who I am now is night and day. I truly believe unpopular kids have a unique motivation to be greater in life post-graduation.
@danielc5205 5 years ago

I've noticed that a lot of the cool kids back in high school became nobodies in the once they joined real world. And, the nobodies back in high school became the doctors, lawyers, and such. Also, I've noticed that a lot the popular kids back in high school, they tend not to move too far from the nest and often live and die in the same hometown where they went to high school at.
@itsJoshW 5 years ago

I'm 30 this year, and I can't remember anyone but the people I was friends with in High School, and even them I don't really care to remember. Popularity was only important if you had no confidence or cared that much about what others thought about you when you were growing up.
@titlespree 5 years ago

In my opinion high school popularity leads to dissatisfaction and failure due to complacency/overconfidence later in life, especially for men. And on the other side we see people like Elon Musk, who achieve phenomenal success simply because they struggled early on to get that kind of attention and respect, which fuels them for success later in life! 🔥
@dragonrykr 5 years ago

I am 18, still in high school, and not particularly popular as my views differ from practically everyone... do I care about it though? Absolutely not. I am happy living the life I am living. Besides high school popularity and nurturing it only matters to those who have nothing better to do at that age
@greenthumbstrummer 3 years ago

I was super popular in high school. Probably the most popular guy in school. I was also captain of the hockey team. I had the most gorgeous girlfriend that ended up marrying. I am going to be turning 40 in December this year and let me tell you something. While these years may seem super important to you right now, everything changes. I'm divorced with two kids and I actually feel quite unpopular these days. If you want to be cool find a goal you want to accomplish that's worthy and Noble and then spend every waking moment working towards that accomplishment. This will make you far more than cool. It'll make you fulfilled.
@gbbakke 5 years ago

Whenever I am presented with this type of "evidence" about behaviour and society it comforts me to know that whilst the average person seems to simply be a sheep, I chose early in life to not associate with people who are easily influenced and always chasing the latest trend. It wasn't a concious choice, that's just the way I am, I prefer to make my own judgements rather than putting faith in what the masses believe and just blindly accepting that as fact. Social interactions exhaust me, including social media, so I very seldom post anything. I have to be very selective in terms of who I give up my time for. I don't really remember anyone from high school, and I certainly don't think that likeability has had anything to do with my success. On the contrary, it's very inefficient to spend a single moment worrying about what other people think of me when I could apply that thought to something more productive!
@mariacrainic9719 5 years ago

how about aspiring to be happier and more at peace with ourselves and the others? i m kinda tired running for status...
@abdusalamkhan8215 5 years ago

Who is watching this comment have good day..
@AnonymousAccount514 5 years ago

Before I watch....I hate to say it, but. Yes.
@chrisogonas 5 years ago

This is rich stuff and I hope many many more can listen and grow from it. Thanks........ "Everyday we have an opportunity to make a choice. Science tells us that the best way to achieve happiness and success is not to make the choice to try and increase our standing above all others in our society, but to do what we can to make everyone feel welcome and included in our herd." ~ Mitch Prinstein ~
@tbrown1480 5 years ago

Very interesting talk! Such an important topic, especially for the younger generation who is forming their understanding of relationships through tech first (in many instances). I spent some time with a group of girls half my age recently, and was surprised to find that the entire conversation was dominated by how many likes their recent posts were getting on Instagram. It was the whole basis of the conversation for the better part of an hour. It wasn't only about Instagram, but the substance and direction of the conversation was completely framed by the interpretation of their posts from their network (liked or not liked), and that was the baseline reality for them, and the source and framing behind the entire broader conversation. Understanding the difference between likability and popularity is important on so many levels.
@franco_f8249 4 years ago

I feel like I don’t have personality. I just do what ever everyone is doing. I don’t know what I really like
@somerandomdude1723 5 years ago

What a combo of studies most people that study sociology heard about and ... wait, that's all. That's the video in a nutshell.Being likeable is ok, it keeps you healthy in body and mind, having status is not and highschool status is not corelated with anything good while likeability is. Here, saved 10 minutes of your lifetime.