4 things people with mental illness do without thinking

1) Obsessively trying to recreate our happiest memories 2) Assume that our feelings are always wrong 3) Attaching to others in unhealthy ways ... real, fictional, celebrities, etc 4) Viewing ourselves as others see us without them knowing our back-story...also,gaslighting ourselves

The worst is that I only remember bad things and that stay stuck in my head forever, is really terrible and is exhausting.

Heraclitus said “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it is not the same river and he’s not the same man.”

They physical feelings of exhaustion that accompany depression are worse than the mental feelings

That second point: "some of your feelings are valid" 😭 As a recently-diagnosed AuDHDer who spent the first 40 years of her life being told she was being over-sensitive, ridiculous, and unreasonable, and who internalised that as invalidating every emotional response ever, THANK YOU.

I've discovered, not through depression per se, but through health issues that limit me, that if you go a long time without positive memories being formed, your mind does not possess enough healthy references to keep you mentally well.

I hear you saying. "Go out and make new happy memories. Don't just obsess about some distant time in the past."

I buy too many children/ young adult books that I read as a kid because I remember feeling safe and happy when I read those...

I've had slivers of good memories in my life, but mostly bad. I'm finding myself being resentful of people who have had happy lives.

Can I get a major award for the longest time not dating / not in a relationship? I'm not ace and not aro. I just quit trying. Other than hanging out with a few dudes as friends, I haven't dated / been in a relationship in 14 years. I'm not going to unpack trauma in a public space. Hobbies and intellectual interests are more emotionally fulfilling than boyfriends. My gut instinct has s*** for brains. I'm really bad at relationships. That makes me the winner of not dating! I'm the best at something! Woohoo!

You can know and tell people they have wronged or hurt you. But I'm going to promise that 90% of the time they don't care.

The one about acting like you don't know your own backstory is a huge one for me. Just last night I was feeling awful about myself because I couldn't stop thinking that I'm a super arrogant, self-absorbed idiot. And like... hating myself... for only caring about myself...?? The sheer irony. How does that make any sense??

There was a time in my life where I had accomplished my goals. And during that time, both of my kids were still living at home, and I was married. So I have this memory of just sitting at the table in my dining room, having a cup of coffee and looking out the window at the hydrangeas, and the apple tree, looking around myself at the house and furniture, and realizing that was the "heart" of my life - right there, right then. I was in my 30s, I owned a house, I had a family. And that's my "happy place" that I go back to in my mind. I don't see anything wrong with that. A lot of bad things happened a few years later, and a few years before. So that was the "eye of the storm". And I treasure that memory and that time. It's not bad to have places you save in your mind where you can go to a very safe and familiar place.

I was working at a place for 4 years. This lady straight up told me “You are too nice” it really set me off. I don’t trust many people anymore. I was only really nice because I have hurt people in my past and I deeply regret it and I can’t take those moments back and fix it that is not how time works. And now I have people being really hostile towards me and I just either take it or leave the situation. I am not good at confronting people at all. I probably should go back to therapy. 🤷‍♂

I would like a deeper breakdown on "gaslighting ourselves." There is gaslighting in my family of origin, and I have done a lot of work, but I know this (gaslighting self) is something that I don't fully identify, when it happens. I feel bad when I know I am being scrutinized, even when I know the other person has no clue what they're talking about, even when logically I know the judgement is incorrect, or a cognitive distortion. I think I associate being watched with being punished. There wasn't a way to win, no consistent rules, and that's sort of the vibe I have been feeling again, recently.

I am 78 and am still sharp. I understand your first point to the fullest. The old fishing place is now different, the old school is different and all the things I loved are either physically gone or spiritually missing. There is a profound emptiness when I seek what was.

Dr. Scott, I really appreciate your opinions. I am a decade or more older than you but you’re very good at articulating so much of what I have experienced. So this is just a note of encouragement for you to keep it up. You are providing great service here.

I held my breath waiting for you to say "exaggerated" when speaking about emotions and emotional reactions of people with mental illness(es).....then you said "heightened" and I knew I had been doing exactly as you were saying....calling myself "over-reactive" and invalidating most of what I feel. That and the tears started less than 2mins in......this one really hit home. Some day, eventually, there will be a video of yours I watch and feel passive enough about it to not comment. (JK, I enjoy that you inspire lurker, introvert me to speak out, it's a testament to how well you frame these lessons or skills)

I just saw a video about low vibrational people and how draining they are and self-destructive. There was another video, which didn't watch. He said stop dwelling on the past - bring your mind back to the present and make the most of it. I have those symptoms. I think that is why I am so alone and so anxious and insecure. Nobody wants a needy person. But not being liked or wanted only makes you more needy. I also saw a video by Paul McKenna, who is a famous UK hypnotist. He said people's brains are occupied with worry about potential catastrophies and it squeezes out creativity.. Hypnosis can reset the brain.

Going 'back' to special moments is difficult for me, I have them, but I am usually so very unhinged that they get pushed aside. Your explanation hits home with me. But the thing that pulls me out of the present are not the good memories, it's the hurtful ones. When triggered, those hurtful times loom large. I find some solace in working on today's potential for good times, so I guess we arrive at the same place. "It's not what's happening outside of you..." Yes. Even 'good' memories for me are shadowed by internal anxieties. The confluence of good outside and good inside vibes is so rare with me that I am hard pressed to think of any. You have to feel like you have 'resources' in the first place...feeling 'not good enough' meant I would constantly cleave to those around me who (seemed) good enough! I had no way to get there for myself. It always ended with a boatload of hurt for me. I stopped doing that. I spent nearly 5 decades in the dark as to why I had many severe mental hangups. Had I known the root cause (early childhood trauma) I might have started a healing journey long ago. But my subconscious mind literally blocked all...all memory of the trauma as a causative thing. When the truth finally surfaced, I had my first nervous breakdown.