How To Skip the Small Talk and Connect With Anyone | Kalina Silverman | TEDxWestminsterCollege

I think small talk is still useful in breaking down anxiety and barriers. The problem is we never move into big talk next.

An interesting note, the closer you are to people the harder it actually is to have "big talk". The best talks I've had with people are the ones in which we both know that we probably are never going to see each other again. The walls actually come down.

I appreciate her efforts in exploring interpersonal connections, but she failed to explain the techniques of making big talks, which is why I opened the link in the first place.

I feel like it all depends on the open mindedness of people. Most people don't want to feel vulnerable or "put their cards on the table". I've always been a loner and mind my own business but I've also had some of the best conversation and have learned a lot about myself from complete strangers. No expectations, just honesty and sincerity. We live in an age of technology where we are connected worldwide but still disconnected from each other. We can learn so much from each other , but let our differences separate us. We are only alone if we want to be. You'll find we aren't so different after all..........So, Love yourself. Love each other. And Love life.

I don't want to seem conceited, but there's something I figured out one time, sort of as a rule to live by. I decided that the way to live my life to the fullest is by trying to experience as much as I possibly can. Every time I limit myself from doing something I'm denying myself an experience. Every time I never try to do something, or I give up, I'm chipping off a piece of myself that I could be. I don't know if this helped anyone that is feeling like they're just kind of drifting. It's more of a goal for living.

The camera, her youth, and her attractiveness I believe, project a certain safety to strangers who I am sure felt as if they were part of a personal documentary...big deal. I think her manner of eliciting "big-talk" is ironically superficial - a facade: "Look at us...we're doing big talk..isn't this great?" You ask me questions, I give you answers..so what? Talk show hosts do that all the time. It would have been far more useful had she elucidated techniques to elicit "big-talk", rather than turn it into a global (social-media) project. Generally, small talk is the way things are at work. I think acquaintances (not close friends), would feel weird if I asked them deep questions all the time. Also, some people feel vulnerable about exposing their deeper self....ESPECIALLY if they are acquaintances (not close friends, and not strangers). Further, once you get past the deep stuff, the default seems to be the small stuff - you can only ask an acquaintance what they want to do before they die once. What she doesn't seem to understand is that "big-talk" is a process, not a goal. Personally I have observed the limitations of "small talk" with it's nonsensical, superficial jargon: "how you doing" "what's going on" "have a nice day" all fluffy, disingenuous bullshit like that. In this, I am in agreement. However, I think that small talk has its place as an introduction...a FIRST LINE of questions. The real skill comes in GENTLY moving the conversation to the second line of questions, and eventually getting to a deeper connection. I can, usually within 10 minutes, get many people, not all, to open up about deeper issues, but I don't start off that way. I can do this because I have practiced. There are certain skills involved: being authentic, being fully present, really listening, body gesture, manners of speaking, developing trust, ramping up the depth of conversation gradually, etc. Just walking up to someone and asking "what do you want to do before you die?" to me sounds somewhat laden with an agenda and ironically is far afield from an authentic deep connection - I am not there to interview them. She did not elucidate any methods by which to get to "big-talk" except as a project....."let's do big talk now." Websites and cameras in the context of a project are one thing, casual meetings around the water cooler are quite another.

You can hear her heart beating through the mic; she is very nervous. Props to her for doing this!

Hilarious... The comments kept me from finishing the video. A hurray for honesty.

Scrub to 5:41 to 'skip' her small talk

feels uplifted and reinvigorated to make meaningful changes in your personal life Goes to youtube comment section instead...

It’s amazing how back in the day talking was so natural as no one felt alone and normal and now it’s a big idea cause everyone feels alone in this day and age where work is more important then happiness and friendship and family! Where people only consider things to be rational only if it’s connected to work!

I missed the part where she actually goes over how to "connect with anyone". I thought that was the whole point of this talk.

To save you watching the video: To skip small talk, ask deep questions

The F.O.R.D (family, occupation, recreation, dreams) method is an easier way to connect than trying to think of open ended questions that may be weird to ask a total stranger

"You want some chicken?" Works every time.

I actually have a guy in my school who would talk to me about space and scientific theories , and it was so amazing !

It's easy to be a cute bubbly girl and asking those questions. If your ugly and ask what would you do if you died tomorrow? They would call the police and throw you in jail.

Makes sense. I don't like small talk and usually it feels awkward.

"why do we have small talk?" To understand if the person you are talking to is not a crazy person

I now want a tshirt that says “I don’t like small talk” and see what conversations get started