The Problem with Avoiding Confrontation

I once had a difficult conversation with a manager once for whom I had spent months upon months trying to get on the same page to no avail and talked about how I had noticed a pattern of behavior of him jerking around my assignments and instructions he gave to me then giving me feedback that I was not doing what he asked when I did. I thought it went well and that we both handled it like adults. He then held up a sign in the group meeting the next day that literally said "cut your throat" and he played it off as a joke that he flashed it to someone in traffic. I without skipping a beat replied that is excellent handwriting for driving down the road. This conversation happened 8 years ago, and it still sits in my memory as the most ridiculous conversation I have had in my career. You speak truth to optimism and leadership. Sometimes no managers would be better for organizational health than the managers that exist IRL.

"Quiet Quitting" is the professional endgame of Avoiding Confrontation.

We appreciate your insights. We look forward to seeing more content like this.

I definitely think this is the case, but also, there are employers who don't invest in their employees and when you ask for a raise, they simply give an avoidant answer and say something like "well the market is down so not this year". And that continues for years on end. My partner was faced with this and eventually had to leave because she couldn't sustain herself with the low pay/high workload ratio. In the spirit of balance. Employees need to work harder to become more fluent in these kinds of social skills, but employers aren't off the hook. There are too many that exploit hard workers to maximize the company's spend. Both sides need to make progress.

The best raise is a new job.

You unlocked another valuable perspective! Having difficult conversations and navigating confrontation are skills to cultivate, not traits that are mysteriously bestowed. Because confrontation is fear-inducing, without training, it tends to be combative or non-existent, not positively aggressive. Thank you for decoding and sharing :)

When you can respectfully advocate for yourself by communicating your needs and wants to your employer you may be surprised with how receptive many of them are to working with you.✨ Confidence, knowing your worth and effective communication and listening are all strong assets to a company and when an employer can see you effectively implementing them in an effort to get your needs met they typically appreciate, respect and reward you in return for being genuine, open, honest and forthcoming. 💛 Great clip Simon🙌 So many problems in this world could be resolved if more people were willing and able to come together and have healthy and mature conversations.✨

No employee should be surprised when they are fired. Just like, no employer should be surprised when someone quits. When this does happen, it generally comes down to a failure to communicate in situations that are difficult. Denying a truth distorts reality.

Dear Simon, I totally agree with acknowledging the problem of people just quitting... have we asked ourselves why they quit? Because if the leaders took care of those who work for them, initially this should not have happened in the volume we see. The young generation are not stupid, they experienced and witnessed the employers' abuse and lack of empathy growing up PLUS we got to recognise that technology has been the one enabling what recently has become so popular terms of ghosting and gaslighting!! Technology has removed the human accountability in confrontation situations and fed the lack of connection at a deeper level as human beings. Better connected?? Not at all, we are more disconnected than ever before. If we slow down and ponder and reflect on the impact of technology in human beings... we all agree it has contributed to the deterioration of people and communication at deeper level, dont get me started with accountability... none. A leader is to be a good example and take care of those working for the company. I am taking you up on your own word about leadership... perhaps we got to educate leaders and CEO's... so the youth have good example and inspiration that allows them to thrive and grow as great contributors to our society ❤

Thank you Simon. What you say makes so much sense. And it can be applied to alot of different situations. Thanks from down under.

that works perfectly assuming that the confronter and the person being confronted are 2 agreeable individuals who are having a civilized conversation. However, when the person being confronted has narcissistic traits it's a guarantee that this frank direct conversation/confrontation is going to either backfire or be weaponized later..... no positive change will ever result from confronting a narc.

Thank you Simon. Your speaking relevant truth and im happy to have learned there is this phenomena and I could be doing it

It's true, I prefer to avoid conflict with some partners, but in the end, there is some point where I need to have a hard talk, so, I started to not avoid the conflict since the beginning.

Thank you, Simon

Hi Simon, thanks for sharing this insight, it is a common true and it's an important skill to develop in today's companies. I think it's important to mention that it also happens in the other way around, I mean there are leaders or bosses who have a "difficult person" or a person who they don't feel much connected in their teams and they avoid confrontation with these persons, ghosting them, avoiding conversations, and finally firing them.

Thank you Simon❤

Thank you for the video, makes sense to me! Just wondering if you would post other videos/content teaching these skills to deal with uncomfortable conversations/situations? Thank you so much! And Wish you all the best!

Very much needed .

I quit my last job because I was their only, best option to be management. I had been recommended by every manager who'd left (by that point, four in a year). I had never opwnly expressed interest, but not because I was avoiding conflict but rather because I didn't want the job bad enough to ask for it. I was however exasperated by the idea that the district manager was going to hire a third set of managers from outside without bothering to bring up the idea to the only employee they had left who had been there from open, was older than all of their staff, and was liked and respected by the entire restaurant. I didn't want to work for a company that procedurally couldn't do what was best for it. I expressed this exasperation to a shift lead. I put in my two weeks. I was called in and offered a higher position at one of their other stores, one with a completely different menu and name with zero employees in common. This defeats the purpose: I was their only path to stopping the mass turnover they were experiencing, and they legit couldn't see nor take it. I have worked for too many bad corporate cultures to want to commit to a higher position with a company like that.

Most of the time, the way to get a raise is to get another job.