The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life

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I've always been jealous of those who could express their emotions to their parents and get a ton of encouragement and support. If I ever tried opening up about my feelings I'd get called stupid and just be totally disregarded:/

Some parents have no idea how much they messed up their children...

I don't think I'll ever recover from the rage I felt when I realised that some people just get to wake up and live their life as well balanced individuals with the integral life skills already installed but my parents were too busy being angry that the 4 children they chose to have costed money and acted like children so now I'm in therapy and have no idea how to be a person without feeling performative

One of my favorite parts about being a dad is when my kids are telling me something and they accidentally call me ‘mom’. It makes me think that I occupy the same safe warm place in their brain that their mom does.

"So, many broken children living in grown bodies mimicking adult live's."

If I ever met someone that said they loved me and wanted me to be happy, I'd think they were crazy or trying to trick me.

I remember breaking into tears the day I found out I was pregnant with my first child. The nurse asked me if I didn't want him or her. I told her it wasn't that, but that I was terrified of being a mother like mine. She told me that the fact that I felt and thought that way meant I wouldn't be, but that I needed to educate myself, or take classes. She then proceeded to give me a book, I can't recall atm, but it gave me a head start. I went to every class, read a bunch, and took on what seemed sensible to me. I feel so, so grateful for that nurse. My boys are adults now. I made mistakes raising them, but they weren't the ones my biological mother made. I truly loved my boys and nothing in the world would've made me hurt them like she hurt me. I'm glad she died before she met them, or they met her, because she would've hurt them as well. It has nothing to do with my forgiving what she did, or anything of that kind. She was the master of the universe and anything she did was her right. I disagreed, and that was, in her mind, the slave rebelling. Until the end of time.

How many else here grew up in a home with an emotional absence, where parents rarely talked about or showed much feelings? Because of this It’s like I miss a kind of emotional “recipe” that everyone else has learned to create and maintain social relationships that I don’t have. Like I want to communicate feelings but I just don’t know how to.

"Heal before having a children so your children don't have to heal having you as a parent"

I think one of the most shocking things i learned from my friends was how open some of them were with their own mothers. It just baffled me when i would sit down and listen to a friend talk about how her mom reacted to a picture of her crush or something and i just had to sit there and pretend like my mind was not being blown at the concept of people talking to their parents about things!

I grew up without any emotional or physical contact with my parents even though we all lived together throughout. I had my first hug at age 18. My instincts wanted to push the person away. Thankfully this wonderful person stuck with me and slowly showed me how wonderful it is to feel love and affection. We’ve been together for 40 years now and have 2 children and 3 grandchildren all of whom are very loving balanced and confident. This just shows the power of love can overcome a history of neglect if the circumstances allow. I still have deep seated issues, which are mine to own but my life is wonderful and I count my blessings everyday that I’m able to appreciate the true value of love. Especially love for your children. Allowing them to grow with confidence and wonder.

other kids can talk to their parents about everything and when I try to have a normal conversation with my parents it always ends up in huge arguments and I've learnt that the only person who's there for me at all times is myself, so I don't bother telling my parents anything, I rather keep everything to myself and let it destroy me from the inside

When he said "to avoid fear he should avoid showing feelings" I felt that

This is why educating parents to be good parents are far more crucial than educating the children.

My mother had this great idea that if I ever started crying, she would leave me in a dark room by myself, until I stopped crying and came to her, So I did but were never able to express my trust and feelings towards her. She had great care to me.. but I’m not sure about living me in a room to cry, rather than coming and hugging me. I haven’t received a hug ever, but I wish for one.

I didn't think of that last part, basically not having a good early upbringing can domino you into not talking and developing proper social skills, which sets you back in life a lot. I wonder how many amazing people who were capable of changing the world for the better could never do it because of that. I hope everyone who suffered from a bad childhood can heal, it is very possible.

I remember my friend talking to her parents so freely... I was so surprised because it looks so unusual and weird. But then I realized that they’re normal parents.

We need to have more empathy for people who lack certain emotional skills, or came from broken experiences, and just wants to be loved, whole, and embraced as part of the human race.

As we prepare to welcome our first baby into the world in a few months, I’ve been processing and exploring my childhood traumas and things I disliked about how I was patented. I feel like I pulled on a sweater string and the more I investigate the more I realize how I unhealthy my childhood was. It’s amazing how it’s shaped my self image, negative outlook and encouraged shame and self hatred. I’m so thankful to be processing all of this before our little one comes so I can be more encouraging and supportive as a parent!