Why Men Have No “REAL” Friends… | Richard Reeves

📺 Watch the full episode here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J1lFZEBq2Y

I got 3, all from high school time, I'm in my 50's. Talk to them every 5-10 years without fail.

The older I get, my old friends seem to have less and less in common with me. You get to the point where you wonder who the hell these people are anymore and why you even still hang out with them.

The prerequisite to FRIENDSHIP is to be FRIENDLY. I think a lot of people throughout the course of their lives unfortunately forget this basic fact.

My grandfathers and great grandfathers worked in all male environments and were members of many social organizations, church, their wives organized bridge clubs at the house, and had huge families. The way society naturally was back them made friendships effortless. And they used to work six days a week back then, but they still had the time for socializing.

People these days are so fucking transactional, you’re only kept around as long as you’re useful. If you lose the utility your “friendship” is valued at near zero.

I have a like 6 fantastic mates and the only reason i have these guys, is because these guys appreciate the talks, brutal honesty and friendship we share for eachother. Talk to your brothers guys, real deep talk. We need it.

Because we live in a society where you’re in a hamster wheel for 90 hours a week just to be able to afford a house.

As a 50+ Aussie male who grew up in the country, I can easily name 10+ guys I grew up with died by suicide in their teens & 20’s. Well before mental health was acknowledged. I truly hope my son’s generation follows a different path

Social Media is at the core of most of societies issues today.

I made friends with an old homeless fella, who lived under the overpass near me, in Yokohama. About 12 years ago, when I first moved here and I passed him on the way to the station, he'd shout "Ringo Starr!" which made me chuckle. When family and friends were over from England, I'd made a point of stopping to say hello to him and saying "who do I look like?", and when he said "Ringo Starr, Beatles!" they'd be in stitches as well. So, from buying him a bottle of water on hot days, popping in the convenience store for him if he was hungry, buying him a pocket transistor radio and gloves for Christmas and stuff like that, I got to know him a bit better. I haven't seen him for a few months now, his mobility was becoming chronically bad, and I think he's been taken off the streets by the authorities. I always look around the underpass on the way to the station, but I sadly don't really expect he'll come back. Friendship developing has no chance unless the two potential friends are prepared to find a bit of time for each other though.

Friendships die because a lot of men don't make any effort to actually maintain friendships. They put everything and anything before their friendships. I've had many friends over the years that I lost contact with because they wouldn't put any effort towards the friendship. Once I stopped calling or texting them, I never heard from them again.

I was a kid in the 60’s and 70’s, retired now. From my perspective society seems much more competitive and status oriented than ever before. People are more judgmental, hot tempered and generally egotistical. The term “road rage” didn’t exist when was young. It’s fairly common now. I see all kinds of weird forms aggression on the road when driving. Generally, people seemed more friendly, humble, thoughtful and kind when I was young. It’s a more hostile world today. On the why end of things. As I said previously, I think it is the pursuit of status, wealth and material things. That combined with an immersion into on-line worlds of fantasy. Everyone one is involved with that and avoiding actual one-on-one interaction with people.

I never got married. One by one as my friends all got married, they dropped off. Especially after having kids. I ran into trouble with several of their controlling wives that wouldn’t let them out of the house and they were too weak to stand up to them. I kept trying to maintain the friendship by getting together once a month. When that didn’t work, I tried quarterly, then every six months and finally once a year before I wrote them off. It pissed me off and also hurt. They were guys I used to hang out with several times a week. Finally I just politely said, “I know you are really busy with life. I would really like to maintain a friendship with you. The ball is in your court, give me a call some time, I’d love to get together again.” Never heard back from any of them.

What sad is his how often if you leave you job. You realize that those friends never talk to you again

I closed down my business to learn furniture making and i was stunned to see how everybody at my school was so likeminded despite being from diverse backgrounds and age groups. We have all rejected the values of modern civilization. I have made some great new friends and i am 43

There is a steep learning curve to knowing real friends from acquaintances, but men can definitely have real friends.

I dont have any friends because I witnessed multiple instances where people close to me flip a switch and turn into complete two-faced backstabbers. Multiple instances where I needed help and they turned me away, realizing people don't practice what they preach and morality is only present when it's convenient

What actually happens is your girlfriend freezes out your real friends & replaces them with the boyfriends of her friends. It’s like pod people. So, when the relationship ends you are on your own because you ignored your real friends. And you didn’t even know it happened.

The latter part of the conversation with regards to men taking their own lives is so important. I work at a crematorium in UK as a gardener (but also help work the chapel and the machines also) and you would be surprised at how many young men we receive. I see the families that pass through the chapel and the impact it has on them. As someone who has suffered with depression at times in my life, the one common theme is always the feeling of being useless or not of need. We as a planet have to halt this phenomenon. We’ve become more connected than ever through our phones and technology, yet we are now more separated as a result. I hope we can find a solution before more lives are cut short.