How to recognize perfectly hidden depression | Margaret Rutherford | TEDxBocaRaton
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Published 2023-06-29
All Comments (21)
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Suicidal people usually don't want to die. They want the pain of their life to stop.
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Sometimes people get so good at hiding it they're even hiding it from themselves.
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Is it bad of me to say that it's a little comforting to know so many other people are feeling this way?
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We hide these feelings because we are told we are “too dramatic”, or “you have nothing to be depressed about”, etc. After a while, we shut down.
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I don't think the world is ready to acknowledge just how large of a pain scale we are all on
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Mental health is complex. It's not just about hiding feelings; sometimes, people genuinely don't understand what they're going through.
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One of the best descriptions of how it feels I’ve ever seen was “I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to be here anymore”.
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People at work would be shocked how I constantly think about suicide. I’m successful and respected. Always have a smile on my face and help others. When I’m not at work, I almost never leave my bed and sleep ALL THE TIME. I really think they’d be surprised.
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Thank you to so many who've left comments and ideas and thoughts. I'm very grateful for the feedback and the community of thought.
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The part about perfectionism alongside depression is just... so accurate.
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City life makes humans depressed. We are not insects, working day after day after day. We need slow mornings and slow-cooked meals, time to breathe and time to listen to the sound of silence. We need family and friends around us, true relationships, not occasional relationships.
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For what it’s worth, you DID listen to your gut. You DID take action. You DID save Natalie’s life. I know it’s human nature to beat yourself up over the what-ifs, but you did EVERYTHING right. You are the therapist we all need ❤
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Treating suicidal feelings as normal feelings is a game-changer. It's about destigmatizing these emotions and creating a space for open dialogue, I am all for this.
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"To be clear, suicide is not normal, its thoughts about suicide is normal" Someone finally said it, it just shows everyone has a limit on how much they can endure
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Sometimes hiding feelings isn’t intentional. Some of us betray themselves too, because we never learn to express ourselves while growing up.
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Someone suicidal will not let it show if they're planning to end their life because they don't want to alarm anyone who could try to stop them. If someone shows they need help, that's exactly what it is: they're not yet at that point of putting a plan into action to die; they are asking for help. It's not complicated. People who erase themselves from the social environment are slowly trying to not be missed, eventually. It's gradual sometimes. If psych professionals understand this, they'll be more likely to help.
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A clue for when someone is about to go through suicide is that they all of the sudden look extra happy but not because they’re actually happy. They may go around telling family members they love them. They’ll be extra helpful. They’ll be like their old selves before their depression. It’s because they’ve made peace with their decision and they look forward to the moment that they can finally end their pain. They see that moment as closure.
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"Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone." Human beings can only take so much of others' pain before rejecting them. Depressed people know this. What needs to exist is excellent, intuitive therapists who can empathize and help people express, and work out how to get beyond, their pain. And that's not what drug and money-oriented, oxymoronic "health care" does.
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I did that. Hide it well. Functional depression. Untill l surrendered and got honest. I got help. Mentioned the dreaded word...l have depression and have had all my life. I was the smiler. Then the trauma healing began. In gratitude.
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One thing I learned : one who understands depression is the one who have faced it and feel it by own personally. Most difficult phase is when one want to express about the same but don't have anybody to talk, to discuss and to understand. Thank you for sharing this.