How to overcome guilt after leaving a narcissistic abuser

I cried on my knees today for god to help me because I need the strength to let go and one hour later I’m here thank you so much for putting out these videos.

The most rewarding thing I ever said to my narc mother was "Its not my job to make you happy".

Victims of Narcissistic abuse often dont have other safe people and its hard for them to judge on who is safe!

It feels like a tragedy indeed. My heart's broken but the longer I keep distance from my family, the more I feel like I'm growing into the person I'm meant to be. I also have the space now to recognize what was really going on. My heart breaks for my abusers too, knowing what they must have experienced to be the way they are and I still love them a lot, but not to the extent I'm willing to put my well-being at risk anymore. I'm done bending over backwards for people committed to seeing the worst in me and people who are willing to exploit the good in others. It's time for a new era

Guilt. Stupid loyalty. Fear. All terrible.

This explains why as a child and young adult I had crippling homesickness at camp and sleepovers and even when I went away to college. Grief is easier than homesickness.

Going no contact in 1995 I had very little guilt, because I owe nobody anything. In general people owe others nothing at all. The only time I believe people "owe" anybody anything is when they choose to have kids: you then owe your kids unconditional love and support. So I certainly don't "owe" my abusive and negligent "parents" anything at all! It was THEY who owed ME something, and they failed. So fuck 'em!

I am going to take your online course in early summer, Jay! I am living paycheck to paycheck until I sell my house in April. Although my father never gave me an ounce of positive attention, yet gave out physical punishments & called me fat (although I wasn’t, but he convinced me I was), I am feeling guilt the last week because he is in the hospital. I have not spoken to him in several years as I am recovering with CPTSD. I left a msg last night though. Very hard.

I'm low contact with my whole family and in another country, it is very lonely, and I'm finding difficult to make friends, I have to stop myself from reaching out to my narcissistic mother because I have the urge all the time, but I know that after talking to her I feel so much worst and even more lonely. It is hard :(

Jay, tysm for addressing this, very relevant to those who had to cut off their entire friend or family circle in order to preserve their peace of mind. Happy New Year to you & all survivors of narc abuse, let this be our year of healing & prosperity.

Jay, one heartbreaking thing that may never disappear though is this: in your no contact/finding yourself/loving yourself, that once you DO find yourself and love yourself and realize people actually love you uncondiitonally, you ALWAYS have this wish that you could SHOW the narcissists that people actually DO love you unconditionally and that you actually ARE a valued member of society. But its a Catch-22, because you want to maintain that no contact so how COULD you shove it down their throats that now you have found true self love and true love and true unconditional love from others WITHOUT breaking the no contact? You cannot. You cannot have it both ways , and so I am saying that it can never be perfect, you can never go back and "prove" to the narcisssists that now you are enlightened to this whole thing and that now you have full confidence and comfort being a member of the real world. Its the only regret I have: not being able to shove it down their throats. Not being able now as an adult to tell them off about everything they did, the abuse, etc. And it pisses me off from time to time to think that they are most likely still there living in their house far away saying to themselves that I am just a selfish asshole who abandoned them for no reason and that they are either that stupid or willfully blind and it bothers me that people can live out their whole lives like that NEVER seeing or understanding what they did wrong. I have thought once or twice about sending an anonymus letter from a fictitious agency called "US Department of CHild Abuse" and in the letter it would sim ply state: YOU HAVE BEEN FOUND GUILTY ON 3 COUNTS OF CHILD ABUSE, BOTH PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL. Just to give them a shock, just to get those words into their minds, even if they throw it in the garbage and realize it was fake.

You explained my life so clearly. I was told I am selfish for so long yet since I was a child I tended my mother's needs. No longer. It made me chronically ill. 2022 is for healing 💫

Surgery Can be Terribly Painful, but it will Save Your Soul, it will Allow you to Feel Safe Knowing that the Person Looking Back in the Mirror when You Brush Your Teeth is Worthy of your Trust and Respect ♡

Thank you and happy new year! I love how you explained this without using the concept of codependency. It’s so much more nuanced than that. You’re right. Having safe relationships makes a huge difference. I’m finally cultivating safe, reciprocal relationships and it has helped me turn a corner.

It's weird having someone describe exactly what I feel and why

The issue is my abuser will run around and call me mentally sick when I attempt to leave her. The uses toxic shame for me to stay. I am 5mo no contact after 40 years of abuse

I'm a survivor of childhood and adulthood narcissistic abuse My father's narcissistic expectations were still impacting on my life choices at 35 years old ! Healing is a long journey but bears so much fruit, At 49 years old I have finally accepted my mother's role as the neglectful enabler. This was crushing for me, but when I finally spoke my truth I was set free, it's painful but also a necessary component to heal

I wish I’d heard this 50yrs ago. I tried to leave several times but kept being drawn back. I had no self-confidence, was greatly overweight so getting a job was almost impossible. My older brothers called me lazy and entitled. I had no one on my side, as usual. I didn’t believe that anyone would ever support me emotionally.

My God. You must have gone through this to understand it so well. And there is nobody to run to that you can tell that can put them in thier place. Nobody to run to for nurture...... until you can do so for yourself.

Happy New Year Jay! It is indeed amazing that as an adult my intellect understands that I was abused by my parents but the feeling of guilt and thoughts of 'what if I am the bad guy and they are saints' can so easily take over.