When Someone we love has died

My mom died just under a month ago, at 53. While I often put on a happy face around people at my college, deep down I am still suffering.

My best friend died a couple of weeks ago and I know that when I cry it's not for him but for me, I'm mourning for the life we could have shared together.

Lost my dad this year , so true he is immortal as long as I am alive ... "It is frightening to die but not frightening to be dead" true wisdom. Thanks for the video, was much needed .

We'll never be able to love them enough, so love them enough when they're still alive.

7. No one will understand how you feel. Your relationship with that person was unique. So don't expect anyone else to understand or have answers for you. 8. Life will always taste a little bitter from now on, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s just another flavour, a flavour which can make you appreciate all the beauty of life. 9. Let others feel as miserable as they want, or pretend that everything is ok. 10. You or your loved ones may start to become partially self-destructive. That's ok, as long as you don't let it destroy you or your loved ones.

My 3 year old tragically passed away last year. I believe the death of a child for a parent is the ultimate loss😪 This video gave me a sliver of hope and comfort, Thank You!

My dad died of cancer earlier this year. For most of my life, I was always terrified about either of my parents dying. Fortunately we had a few months to prepare for his passing, but of course one can never truly prepare themselves for such a thing. Even so, when he left us, I wasn't scared. Somehow I felt that he was still with us - not in a literal, ghost-like way, but more like he used to be in a specific body, but now he was spread out everywhere.. so no matter where I go, I feel that he is still all around me, and that gives me some comfort. I think I was especially lucky with my dad because we never had any real fights or serious arguments and he had a great sense of humour. I know many people don't have such a good relationship with their fathers, so I count my blessings for all the good times and memories I have with him. The only thing that bothers me is how quickly people who were not as close to him as I was have moved on after his death. It's like they don't even want to mention his name anymore - perhaps because they think it might make me sad, but the opposite is true - it makes me sad that they don't talk about him and it's like he is no longer important to them. That made me consider how trivial our lives really are in the grand scheme of things - people will soon forget about you after you die, as though you never even existed to begin with. But I won't forget about my dad and what a great person he was.

Losing my Mom to stage four cancer in August and then My Dad to Covid in December is a bitter pill to Swallow...thanks for reminding of what's important

"The depth of our grief is simply the price we pay for the extent of our love." -Alain de Botton

My girlfriend died exactly 2 weeks ago and I still can't believe it's real. I loved her so much words can't sufficiently express. Not a day passes without me wishing to join her. I've cried so many tears my face looks swollen already. Can't eat, shower, sleep or do chores or work properly. I think I might lose it some day...

The pain we can feel when someone close to us has died is really strong and lasts for a long time

My dad committed suicide 7 years ago. I never got over it, and I don’t think I will ever do. Thank you for saying that was okay 💕

My father died two weeks ago from pneumonia. It was 3am in the morning. I was with him in hospital and held his hand. He suffered terribly for three days but his eventual death was quick and calm. I felt his soul leave in that final breath. My mother and sister were with him during the day and at night I stayed with him. I am so grateful for those hours when it was just us two. I looked after him when he was at his most vulnerable just as he looked after me when I was most vulnerable as a baby. A couple of years ago, out of the blue, he gave me a photo of himself feeding me in my high chair when I was about 11 months old. It’s almost like fate knew I would feed him the last meal he had - puréed food on a spoon - just as he was pictured feeding me. In those hours we said all that needed to be said so that when he drew his last breath I had complete closure. I was so relieved his suffering was over and I felt he left for a better place. I feel so fortunate that it happened the way it did. I never thought I had it inside of me to be strong for him and do this for him. I was scared to think of it happening but actually it was so calm and final that I am completely at peace with it. He was a wonderful father who taught me so much and showed me death is merely a transition.

I lost my: Grandfather - Feb 2020 my church-mate friend - Aug 2020 my Dad - Aug 2020 my puppy - Sept 2020 Right now, I feel as if my heart is being hammered to dust 💔

No 3 made me cry immediately. My dad died 10 years ago but I still feel ashamed that I wasn't there when he died. Just because I thought I can visit him at the hospital later that day. I could have been there but I decided not to go out of selfish reasons. It's painful. After all these years it still is. Hearing that I loved him enough makes it a bit more bearable.

My boyfriend passed away this year at age 28. We were together for 5+ years and were planning to marry maybe next year. I truely believed he was the love of my life and still do. Don't know why this happened to him but its hard to imagine a life without him. Still trying my best to keep myself saint and live my life beautifuly.

My cat died just under 2 years ago. I went through a lot with my cat. I starved so that he could eat sometimes. He used to physically lift my head up when I was crying. I loved him like no other person or creature on this earth. He was my equivalent of losing a son. He was hit by a car and what I saw was grim. And yet when he died there was no sympathy, my mother in law just bought me a new cat, which hurt and which I immediately gave back. If my partner died would she expect me to have a new one the next day? People say it's just a pet but it's not. This has been one of the hardest things I have ever been through and I've previously lost my twin sister and grandfather. Hearing this video, although maybe aimed at human deaths, helps me realise that my response is normal. I still don't understand how others don't feel this hurt by the loss of their animals though.

1. What touched me the most from this incredibly beautiful lesson is this sentence: " Love wants there to be more love." Pablo Neruda has this poem, "La Muerta", where he says to his lover that even if she dies he will have to continue to live. For his fellow human beings. Here are the last lines of that poem: “If you no longer live, if you, beloved, my love, if you have died, all the leaves will fall in my breast, it will rain on my soul night and day, the snow will burn my heart, I shall walk with frost and fire and death and snow, my feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping, but I shall stay alive, because above all things you wanted me indomitable, and, my love, because you know that I am not only a man but all mankind.” ( I will add the original version in Spanish as a response to this comment. ) 2. I would also love to think that once you die, you find peace. There is a very funny scene in Luis Bunuel’s book “ My last breath”. He says: “" .....despite my horror of the press, I'd love to rise from the grave every 10 years or so and go buy a few newspapers. Ghostly pale, sliding silently along the walls, my papers under my arm, I'd return to the cemetery and read about all the disasters in the world before falling back to sleep, safe and secure in my tomb.'' 3. We should read Fernando Pessoa's poem " Birthday" ( Aniversario). It tells us that when someone we love passes away, life will never be the same again. Our happiness will never be complete again. It is incredibly sad, but at least it makes you feel like you are not isolated in your pain. Besides it is good to remember it now, when some of our beloved ones are still alive. 4. Montaigne was also almost dead once and he had learnt a lot from that experience. There is a wonderful article about it by Robert Krulwich, called “ Death but softly”. Here is a very interesting part from it: “Michel de Montaigne recovered from his accident and lived another 22 years, but, says Sarah Bakewell, he thought about that experience for the rest of his life. He knew he hadn't faced down death. He hadn't struggled, or resisted, or even really acknowledged at the time that he was about to die. Instead, he had floated up to it, or it to him, and at the moment when he was almost gone, he learned, he said, that "DEATH COULD HAVE A FRIENDLY FACE" That's what he wrote later, that there is something in the grand scheme of things that will make the parting gentle. What looks like suffering from the outside may not be the deep experience of the dying one. And therefore, he advised, "If you don't know how to die, don't worry; Nature will tell you what to do on the spot, fully and adequately. She will do this job perfectly for you; don't bother your head about it." 5. I have heard from someone who had lost his father, that Radiolab podcast's episode about death has helped him a lot to deal with his grief. 6. Songs always help too.... Especially if you feel numb and can't even cry, they help you to feel your pain and soften your grief. One song I have heard a thousand times is: " Quando Corpus Morietur" by Giovanni Battista Pergolesi. Poor guy died when he was only 26 from tuberculosis...It is a truly wonderful, wonderful piece of music. Thank you for such valuable insights and for the very beautiful animation! How I wish everyone in the world could see this lesson....

What people don’t talk about is that years later, you still miss that person. There was an old senior on TikTok who said she still missed her mother. the feeling doesn’t leave…it hasn’t for me, 10 years later.

The love of my life who was also my best friend past away this past summer. He was everything, learning to deal with a life without him is hard; making future plans has not been easy. Thank you for this video.