On how we talk about about people's bodies

Kudos to her for walking backwards and not falling over.

I stopped commenting on changes in physique when I complimented a friend on slimming down only to find out it was bc they were obsessively running to keep their depression at bay

this feels like your dad taking you for a walk and talk because you said something he didn't vibe with

"I'd rather fix what's in my head than fix what's on me" I am on the skinnier side, 183 cm/65 kg or around 6'0"/130 lbs. I used to hate my looks so much I wore hoodies in the middle of summer to make sure I never showed my skinny arms and drowned in sweat as a result of that. I remember deciding to go to the gym and trying to gain some weight, watching the calories, drinking protein shakes etc. I started at 61 kg and got up to 65 kg in a month, there was a visible improvement in both my muscle volume and the weights I could carry. But I felt I was looking worse than before. Then I gradually stopped going there because university work was killing me and I stopped having any motivation whatsoever. Then I went to therapy. And I got meds. Do I like the way that I look? No, but I don't feel disgusting anymore when I look at the mirror. And there are certainly people who are way more into that skinny look than me. Do I look better than I did when I was actively exercising? Definitely not, but probably not much worse since I took a gap year and I'm working a physical job rn Will I go back to the gym to get jacked? Maybe in the future, when (if?) I go back to uni and have more time and have the right frame of mind. My point is, a ton of people treat gym and fitness like a band-aid for their deep-rooted problems. And I did that as well. It made me so frustrated when the progress I was making at the gym didn't correlate with my mental well-being. And the message "fix what's in your head before you fix what's on you" is, in my opinion, a very important one. Life got so much better since I did that, I can't even explain it Everyone should be able to be at least comfortable in their own skin. Also, if someone looks like trash to you, they say one man's trash is another man's treasure. Thank you for this video, Adam. I think it sends a very important message.

I have severe fistulizing Crohn's disease. When I'm skinny I'm sick, when I'm fat I'm doing well. People are so weirded out when I declare with joy, "I'm fat and energetic!". I would be delighted to be slender and healthy but I've been dangerously and terrifyingly underweight for years and I'm convinced I'd be dead if I hadn't had resources to spare when I needed them. I suspect my body thinks so too. Exercise is so good for me, thinking about what my body can DO instead of what it looks like is mentally more nourishing. And right now it's capable of digestion! Not elegance. BFD. (Great video. Thanks)

By the end of his journey Adam is gonna start filming these in a speedo

The pregnancy thing is 200% something people should hear. My partner put on a bit of weight due to significant health issues and multiple people asked if she was pregnant. She came home crying and it still makes her uncomfortable to think about years later.

The dad energy here is so powerful. I'm getting a dadness sunburn just by watching this. 10/10 video, pls keep making them!

thank you for this video. i've dealt with eating disorders for most of my life. at first it was binge eating disorder, which then morphed into bulimia. for a good chunk of that time, i was overweight. the way people treated me was horrible (viewing fat people as gluttonous, gross, undisciplined, whereas at the time i was trying to cope with trauma). then i began starving myself and had a whole onslaught of health issues. i began fainting, dealing with severe brain fog, and any exertion made me feel dizzy and ill... but everyone was quick to comment on how wonderful i looked, how much better and prettier, "healthier" even etc... it felt like a sick joke and also exasperated my illness. i'm now recovered but i'll never forget how awful people can be.

Wow, Adam's dog is looking fit!

An older person I had not seen in years exclaimed, “So, when’s the due date?” From her point of view, I understand. She feels positively towards me. She was happy for me when she heard I got married. She knew I really want to have kids. Plural. And she comes from an older generation where this kind of question is not only accepted but expected, I think. Now flip to my point of view. I’ve now had three miscarriages. One of them would have ended my life without medical intervention. And one of them resulted in weight gain which I haven’t been able to reverse. And I have my own back-history of being shamed for my weight…including an aunt who bought me a lovely leather jacket…sized XL…when I reached size 8 (while my cousins were size 2 and 0). So that question just hurt in so many ways, regardless of the positive intent. I had to vent to my husband and a good friend and do a lot of mental/emotional exercises before I could get back into a healthy place. I don’t blame her. I know she just doesn’t get it and I have no way of changing her behavior. But if just one person out there might spend an extra microsecond before pressing “send” or opening their mouth, then sharing this personal story is worth it.

A friend and i was talking to our former teacher when a guy came over and complimented her for loosing a lot of weight. We just had to stand there and hear her thanking him for the “compliment” even though we knew she lost the weight because her husband died. It still makes my stomach turn just thinking about it!

"Daddy Ragusea" is no longer a meme. Adam has been a solid father figure this entire time 🫡 Seriously though, thanks for this vid dude. Even hearing some people comment positively on other people's bodies uninvited makes me uncomfortable. This helped me articulate why I have trouble around it.

I'm a fat guy who's recently intentionally lost a bunch of weight via discipline, eating intentionally, habit forming, etc. And previously, the time when I've visibly lost a lot of weight was when I wasn't eating much at all due to stressful and traumatic events going on in my life, and the fact that the responses to these two events are indistinguishable illustrates that we really just shouldn't comment on people's bodies unless they're inviting it or we know their desires and intentions, and even then we should approach it cautiously. "hey, you look so great losing weight" feels really shitty when you're doing it because you're not sleeping and you're miserable all the time. Great discussion, Adam.

Good for you for going sober man. I used to be a massive pothead for over 20 years. Then I hit 30 years old and added drinking to that, things all kinda came crashing down for me around 36. Now I've completely quit pot and I manage to only drink some wine on the weekends, I still want to quit completely but I'm not ready. I'm single though and don't have many friends or a social life so I'm trying to work on that side now. I'm glad you have your wife by your side to help you through this. I've learned a lot from you and you are a rare force for good in this world.

I nearly died a while back and wound up in the hospital for over thirty days and after I got out I had lost eighty pounds due to dietary changes that were medically necessary and the not great hospital food. People kept commenting on how good I looked while I was unable to walk more than fifty feet without nearly passing out due to having a bum leg from surgery and deconditioning from having to lay in a hospital bed for over a month. Made me feel disgusting every time they did it, It really put into my mind that whatever I was going through, they just saw that I had lost weight and they considered that healthy. My health wasn't even secondary, it wasn't a part of the equation, they just wanted me thinner.

I just think Adam is cool, articulate and informative.

adam, hearing an adult male say that you don't know why you want to be thin is so so SO healing

"You look great! Have you lost weight?" "Yeah I have. Dying of cancer will do that."

just so you know "hey you've gained some weight" and "hey you've lost some weight" are amongst the most typical greetings in many Asian countries.