Ep: 027 How to Meet the Needs Your Mother Couldn't Meet
86,590
Published 2024-07-10
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How do you meet the needs your mother never met? There is no perfect parent, just as there is no perfect human. Some parents were unable to provide for their children materially and financially. However, there are needs that surpass those things, which we often neglect and set aside. Every person has emotional needs such as tenderness, patience, grace, understanding, and acceptance. When emotional needs are left unmet, they can significantly impact our behavior toward others and, especially, toward ourselves. Most people in this situation tend to mirror the rejection they received from others, being hard on themselves, and even neglecting the healing they truly need.
Healing from the needs your mother never met is never easy. It takes small, committed steps of self-care and self-control. It means letting go of and unlearning the habits you have become accustomed to. It involves spending time with yourself and seeking quietness to hear yourself clearly and understand your needs. It can also mean trusting yourself and being patient and appreciative of your progress. Remember, it's not your fault for what happened to you, but it's your responsibility to fix it. Stop blaming your parents, even if you have the power to, because healing cannot prosper there.
In this episode, I will guide you through the essential steps of recognizing and addressing your unmet needs.
“You're only healing if your life is changing and your life can only change when you take different actions." – Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:02:29) The unmet emotional needs
(00:05:05) The role of quietness in nurturing unmet needs
(00:06:39) The inability to advocate for oneself
(00:08:43) Getting honest about self-treatment
(00:10:06) The habit of self-tenderness
(00:11:58) Create a habit of appreciation
(00:13:32) Healing work takes time
(00:15:07) Building self-trust through budgeting
(00:16:38) Take small actions that build up your life
(00:17:23) What does it mean to reparent yourself?
(00:20:19) Through the Battleground to Freedom
(00:22:12) Commit to yourself
(00:23:19) Healing work can be lonely
(00:24:12) The benefit of meeting your unmet needs
Key Takeaways:
“Healing your mother wound is not about you and your mother, it's about you and you." – Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
All Comments (21)
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Visit www.jenniferarnise.com/ to join my Mother Wound Group Coaching Program TODAY!
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My mother wound is so deep I opted out of having kids of my own. The thought of the slightest chance of passing on my trauma to my imaginary babies was paralyzing. I am so glad I live in a time where I have bodily autonomy and financial freedom to opt out of what I don't believe my nervous system can handle. Now I am focused on parenting myself, and the work is daunting. Then Ms. Jennifer came along. Look at God, y'all ❤
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“As long as you are being hard on yourself, you are in the act of abandoning and rejecting yourself..” A WORD!
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my mantra for a couple months was “the bus ain’t coming, start walking to your destination ”. Everytime I had thoughts that something was gonna magically heal me or my mom is gonna magically change I would repeat it. It resulted it me taking full responsibility for everything going wrong, everything.
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You’re not responsible for how your parents treated you. You are responsible for healing from it. There’s a difference if you try and make them responsible for the healing portion, you will forever be broken. Yes you’ll be able to carry that around and point your finger and blame them and yes, they will be wrong. But you will still be broken. You’re going to have to make a choice. Continue to blame or heal. You can’t do both.
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65 year old parenting myself! Starting a new career, adding more pleasure and play to my life!
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I’m a 24 years young black woman, navigating through this world and healing from a lot of mental abuse, thank you for your sweet voice and message ❤❤❤❤
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❤❤❤❤ I am a white woman, 69 years old and this podcast was the best message I've yet to hear about healing the mother wound. There are six generations of incest, child abuse and spouse abuse in my family (that I can trace). I've been working on healing my own spirit as well as breaking the generational curse so that my children and their children's children inherit a legacy of love, respect and nurturing. Thank you for your "Drill Sargeant" energy that reinforces the need for self-discipline and continuity which creates new cellular memories. You are a healer and a lightworker whose own painful journey and dedicated mission of recovery is a blessed example for the millions of wounded people who are seeking a path to their authentic selves.
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“good people will want to come around you”
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I am definitely in the loneliness phase of my healing journey. The loneliness makes me feel like I’m wrong for wanting better for myself 😂 crazy . Thank you for your guiding words of wisdom
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You have touched on a very sensitive topic in the Black community, and I applaud you for it. The veil is being lifted on a lot of our traumas. Thank you for your podcast! ❤
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I am awestruck by your words, “If I was really here, surely someone would see me, surely someone would hear me”.
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"Am I even here?" Ohhh, I'm in the right place. This woman GETS it ‼️
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I’m sorry if this offends anyone but for some reason this popped up in my feed and while I’m not a black women and do t want to invade the space. But I watched because I relate to the content and let me just say this video was amazing and so so helpful. The words you out it into are so crystal clear and enlightening as well as compassionate but helping us take our healing journey into our own hands. Thank you so much!
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Woah… this conversation shook me! …I dropped to the floor of my kitchen and found myself balled up crying until finally I said “I will keep you safe” “I am here for you Asha” “I love you”…. Guess I have some work to do! 😅😊❤ thank you for the work you do 🙏🏽🌞🌞🌞🌞
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I stumbled across this video, definitely divine timing. Nuggets taken away “ Be committed to bettering myself, showing myself grace patience and tenderness. Thankyou
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This message found me at the right time. I just turned 30, & had a conversation with my parents on our relationship. Like u said, it's our responsibility to heal ourselves, but also making peace with the fact that my parents aren't able to give me wht I needed unfortunately.
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It’s so hard to find quality content about healing the mother wound.Thank you for this.
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Lord, I pray that you would give me the strength to be the best mother I can be for my children. I know that being a single parent is not always easy, but with your help, I am confident that I can do it. I also ask for your help in providing for my sons emotionally, and physically so that they may always know that they are loved. Lord I struggle every month to provide for my sons. Give me strength. Thank you Heavenly father for your grace and loving tender care, and for always being there for me and my children.❤️💕
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Within the first few minutes, I knew you got it. Because as soon as you started saying you were questioning your existence I finished your sentence. I was out in the woods walking as an avid walker, & came across another walker. We started chatting & we started talking about why we love you walking. I said the main thing is because it makes me feel like I’m here. The wide open space with no one around surely means I must exist. He looked at me like 😵💫🤣
