Weight gain, water retention, facial swelling during BULIMIA RECOVERY - the HARDEST thing!!

The edema from dehydrated cells plumping back up once feeding resumes is quite extreme, on a magnitude of 5 to 10 pounds of water weight, in my case. I had to avoid looking at myself in the mirror, trying on any fitted clothes, and going out in public. It was so tough. It took refeeding edema at least 7 days to get better and about 3 weeks to completely resolve. Anyone in recovery, please hang in there and continue on your eating plan. Trust the process, and the edema will eventually resolve. Good luck.

I’ve suffered from bulimia for 7 years. With therapy I’ve managed to reduce my “episodes” to 2-3x per week (it sounds like a lot but I used to do it multiple times a day every day). But I really want to go the whole month of November without a single episode and make it through Thanksgiving for the first time in 7 years without purging. It’s November 2 😂 So far so good! Celebrate the small wins, right? I’ll return every few days with updates on my progress ❤ Nov. 1 - Day after Halloween, really wanted to purge. Told my husband I’m struggling and he comforted me. I ate a lot due to stress. Did not purge ❤ Nov. 2 - Very self-conscious, I feel huge. Trying to remind myself that weight comes on and comes off and it isn’t forever. Did not purge ❤ Nov. 3 - Felt calmer today, willed myself to eat consistently instead of restricting, which I really wanted to do. I ate two fear foods today (a little pistachio cookie with my morning coffee on my way to work, and a little pecan bar that a coworker made). As soon as I started to move on with my day a little gremlin voice whispered, "Pst... don't get too happy... you ate two sweets today." This sucks. Can't wait for the day when I can enjoy a sweet and not be haunted by ED thoughts. The good news is, I did not purge ❤ Nov. 4 - Struggled through breakfast, then contacted my therapist. Feeling a little calmer now. Day isn’t over yet. Wanted to update this comment to ground myself. Will check-in again later. 😑 …End of the day and… didn’t purge! ❤️ Nov. 5 - Sunday lunch with the in-laws (Italian restaurant). Signaled to my husband I was triggered, so he took my hand (our agreement: if I give him “the signal” it means not to let me go to the bathroom). Another day done, didn’t purge! ❤️ Nov. 6 - Another day down without purging! ❤️ Nov. 7 - Weighed myself this morning which was a mistake. Today is going to be hard. Will check-in later 🕰️ Somehow made it through the day without purging ❤️ Nov. 8 — I can’t believe I’m waking up on the 8th consecutive day of keeping all my food down. I feel more confident. Another day without purging ❤️ Nov. 9 - Woke up feeling great this morning but then had two events (book club and a toddler’s bday) and was so triggered after because I obviously enjoyed the food (including cake). I didn’t purge ❤️ Nov. 10 - I feel huge. But I’m proud I haven’t purged in 10 days. I’m trying my best not to restrict today and to trust my body. Another day without purging ❤️ Nov. 11 - Quite disappointed because I had an episode today 😞 I don’t even know what triggered it — I found myself bored and stress-eating at 5pm and after fighting the impulse for 10 minutes, I purged. Still, I’m glad I was able to go 10 days without having an episode. I’m going to pick myself up and try again ❤ Nov. 12 - Woke up ready to recommit to recovery 💪 I didn’t purge ❤️ Nov. 13 - So triggered right now. At my desk fighting the impulse to purge. A coworker ordered bubble tea for the office and I of course had one… a whole one… I’m taking deep breaths now and waiting for the panic to pass. I’ll check in again before bed 😑 It’s 10pm and I’m proud to say I made it through the day without purging ❤️ Nov. 14 - Started off as a good day, quickly turned bad in the afternoon. I purged 😓 My next therapy session is on Thursday (in 2 days). It can’t come soon enough. I’ll try again tomorrow. I’ll never stop trying. Nov. 15 - Feeling better today after venting to my husband about some triggers I’ve had for the past several days. Didn’t purge today ❤️ Nov. 16 - Therapy today. Feeling calmer and more comfortable. Next session is Nov. 30! Didn’t purge today ❤️ Nov. 17 - Another good day! Didn’t purge ❤️ Nov. 18 - Huge win today! It’s my mother-in-law’s birthday. First, I did not restrict - I ate normally all day even though I knew we’d be having an elaborate dinner. I then enjoyed dinner, even tasting the two desserts we ordered. Did I feel triggered? Yes. Did I purge? Nope! ❤️ Nov. 19 - End of the day, ate half of a huge, delicious pistachio cookie I bought from the bakery. But after finishing half, I wanted the other half. With only a few bites left I started entertaining the idea of having a binge and purge. I ran upstairs to my husband and cuddled with him until the compulsion passed. So proud of myself ❤️ Nov. 20 - Another day down without an episode ❤️ Nov. 21 - Such a good day. I felt so calm and unbothered. Obviously, didn’t purge ❤️ Nov. 22 - Starting initial prepping and cooking the day before thanksgiving. Slightly triggered by how much sugar goes into cranberry sauce. Things got really stressful with the potato recipe. Needed a breather mid-cooking. Didn’t purge today ❤️ Nov. 23 - Well, I did it. For the first time in 7 years I didn’t purge on Thanksgiving. I ate normally throughout the day (didn’t restrict or limit myself) and I enjoyed everything I wanted at dinner. I did get a little triggered on my second dessert, but I signaled my husband and he held my hand and rubbed my back until the panic passed. I am so happy with today. ❤️ Nov. 24 - Thanksgiving leftovers day. Didn’t purge ❤️ Nov. 25 - Had a heart-to-heart with my husband. I told him that seven years ago on Thanksgiving was the first time I purged, because I was afraid of getting fat and “losing him”. He asked me why I ever thought weight-gain would make him feel differently about me, or make him love me less. I told him I wanted to be perfect. I didn’t ever want to give him a reason to leave. So if I could be the perfect girlfriend or the perfect wife, thin and fit and successful and beautiful, then he’d never have a reason to leave. “I’ve been with you through your ADHD, through seasons of depression, through Covid, through everything. Do you really think I wouldn’t be with you if you gained 10 kilos? You’re my everything. I love you just as you are. And if your body changes then I’ll still love you,” he said. I felt overwhelming love and acceptance. Obviously, I didn’t purge today ❤️ Nov. 26 - Another day down without purging, even after eating two of my grandmother’s absolutely-to-die-for chocolate chip cookies ❤️ Nov. 27 - Weighed myself today, not a smart move. Still, I didn’t restrict or purge ❤️ Nov. 28 - I can’t believe I’m two days away to the end of the month… another day down without purging. ❤️ Nov. 29 - It’s our 4th wedding anniversary today. We will definitely be going out to eat to celebrate and it’s weird that I’m not anxious about it. I’m really looking forward to celebrating with my husband ❤️ Nov. 30 - It’s the last day of the month. I can’t believe that in the past 30 days I only had two episodes, while for the past seven years I was having at least two per week. I think this daily check-in is what helped me through and kept me grounded. Just a few words or a daily reflection helped still the voices in my head. There were so many days I wanted to purge, so many triggers, and yes I do wake up this morning uncomfortable in my body, but I’m also so, so grateful that I didn’t torture myself by purging (hurting my heart, my throat, my teeth, my mind…). I now know that I CAN recover and my life will be better off for it. ❤️

This video is fantastic

I was bulimic then developed anorexia.. ...but my ed voice told it was better that atleast i looked SKINNY...i relapsed into bulimia and have been binging around 1500-4000 calories from the past 5 days and purging and i have gained 3 kgs AND I FEEL TERRIBLE I FEEL AWFUL UGLY DESPICABLE PIECE OF UTTER TRASH I WANT THIS TO STOP BUT TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT IT'S GONNA TAKE TIME AND I REALLLYYYYY DON'T WANNA DO IT AGAIN

Thank you for sharing this. 💕💖I am in recovery right now. I have gained a few pounds. Its not too noticable but I'm so embarrassed people will notice my weight gain. I love short skirts but I have been avoiding them because I'm a little thicker. Its silly but I feel not as pretty just because of these little pounds. I can relate so much with your video. I get so frustrated because I constantly want to eat even though I am full. I see family members who can just open a bag of snack and eat a portion. And then me who always have to eat the whole thing. It is exhausting. It is so hard but i have hope. Thank you for your video. I wish you the best❤❤

thank you so much for taking this video. I can feel it’s also really hard for you to tell these in front of the camera with all this details. But really you made my day better. It’s my 10th day without purging and I’m 3 kilos heavier than my purging weight. I hope it goes away soon. Let’s just hanging there 🤕

Class video, thank you so much. The pee’ing thing has been worrying me and thought, what the hell. Really appreciate it. Xxx It’s the hardest thing.

Thank you! It’s my biggest struggle too after more than 20 years of bulimia. It’s the one thing that’s makes me fall back every time. It’s frustrating but I know now there will come a day it will change. I’m so tired of this life, i know i’m gonna pull through this time. I’m so done with it that i can keep a healthy eating schedule for a couple of months in a row now, i am so happy, but the edema is terrible.

I can't thank you enough for this video, I got edema and I'm crying every single day because it's so painful, I can't even walk and my ED voice told me that it will never go away, so I'm trying to be patient and wait ..thank you so so much for this , I will pray for your health always ❤️

You’re video is so relatable and so helpful. Thank you so much for sharing this, you are exceptionally brave. Xx

I needed this I started recovering 3 days ago after relapsing badly . I look so swollen and fat and disgusting and it's so hard to not purge..

thank you so much for sharing! Im struggling since a long time already with that. Good luck and success only the best for your recovery<3

Thank you for sharing your experience and hope !!!

Thanks for the video, glad to see you're recovered :D I'm in quite a struggle ngl and I just really want a definite answer, I'm diagnosed with anorexia and body dysmorphia and I've restored weight a bit. I'm fairly sure I'm secretly bulimic though however as I have a day of binging (where I often eat 3k - 4k calories at a time), and then purge by fasting the next few days and then repeat the cycle. Then again I'm also somewhat curious whether or not I have rumination disorder as instead of vomiting after I eat, I guilty regurgitate the food back up and re-chew it to get the taste back but the same calories absorbed of course. I've noticed that despite this period being my skinniest point in my life, my face as never looked more fat and round, is this because of the binging and regurgitating (swelling of the glands), cause like my body is literally stick thin where my ribcage is visible, yet my face is so chubby looking, and I literally used to have quite the opposite years back when I was a healthy weight. It just causes so much anxiety and I hate it, I really just want to gain weight and quite honestly a bit of fat on my body/limbs, but my face looks like it already is fat :(

Thank you for sharing I can relate

Did you experience the water retention returning when you would have relapses or slips in recovery? I've been purge free for a month and just relapsed and binge and purged all day for five days in a row and I'm terrified the painful water retention that had just settled will return now.

Thank you

How long did it take for you to notice a difference in your face

Hello Charly i wanted to ask you something. I’ve been in recovery from a 10 year long ED, 3 of those I had bulimia, the rest was under eating and over exercising. I’ve been in recovery for 6 months now, following my hunger and stopped exercising. The edema for me has been here even before recovery but it was mild. When I chose recovery the edema amplified over night, now it’s pitting and it won’t go away. I’ve seen multiple doctors and they can’t relate the edema to anything but recovery. My question is, did you have pitting edema?? I’ve gained a substantial amount of weight also, have new stretch marks, but the thing that bothers me the most is the edema. I can relate to you saying that I don’t have to look at myself in the mirror to feel the edema and weight my body has gained. I loved your video.

I've just started recovery and the swelling and water retention is horrendous. I hate it but I know it's doing me good. How long does it last? Xxx