When Flirting Becomes Creepy…

This video came just in time, every time I try being creepy to women they think I'm just flirting with them, it's so frustrating

Wow this is kind of killer advice on how to BE creepy. Will be implementing this when roleplaying the villain next time I play D&D

Summary = Features of creepiness? - nonfluctuating affect (always smiling, constant facial expression etc) - flattened/amplified affect (smaller range of emotions -> schizophrenics) - lack of emotional mirroring (they're sad, but you don't react w/ sadness etc) - incongruent affect (laughing when shouldn't be laughing, monotone while saying you're endlessly happy) - responding to internal stimuli vs external stimuli (self dialoguing, auditory hallucinations) - disrespecting boundaries (repeated text messages, expected responses after 2 dates, etc -> emotional needs dependent on the other person) Problem = If you try too hard... all of those things will happen. Ex: social anxiety -> busy thinking in head instead of being empathically connected (internal stimuli vs external) -> lack of emotional mirroring b/c in own head + forced emotions (amplified affect)... Goal = be relaxed, fluctuant affect, range of affect, mirroring; genuinely attend to them... Some people have low tolerance, are easily triggered, have bad communication skills, etc... So, you might not be creepy btw.

As a woman while dating men, one of the biggest reasons I find me or my female friends will describe a date as creepy is the feeling that they are trying to get something from you. Trying to put the right inputs in for the output of relationship/sex/yes to date ask. But I think from this explanation what we are picking up on is that feeling of disconnection - they are so concerned with the result they aren't reacting to you the person in that moment. That's why sometimes being asked out is creepy and isn't - if you are asked like a human that says no rather than an object that holds your self-esteem in your hands it has a different vibe.

Dr. K just deciphered why Mark Zuckerberg creeps me out so much. He literally does all of this on live broadcasts in front of millions lmao

I think with gaming and staying home most of the time it's easy to lose your body language skills which makes someone look awkward or creepy.

no way. when i was a teenager i kinda had a psychotic break and i liked to imagine i had a guardian angel always with me. i remember telling my psychologist how weird it was that when i imagined the angel sitting next to me, people on the bus would actually avoid sitting there next to me. i was absolutely convinced he existed and people could perceive him somehow. this makes a lot more sense.

“I just won the lottery and am the happiest person on earth” to me sounds like someone feeling guilted into being happy. “Join me in this bliss” sounds viscerally threatening. Creeped me tf out, 10/10.

This is super interesting stuff. When I was a kid my classmates were creeped out by me, because I didn't have any kind of autistic masking happening, didn't have a lot of facial affects going on, stared directly into people's eyes from across the room trying to read what normal people facial expressions look like in an interaction. Wish I'd been diagnosed and taught by a professional instead of trying to DIY it by watching anime and making faces in the mirror lol. Thanks Dr. K

Thank you for your tutorial of how to appear creepy.

I heard a tip recently, if you're not absolutely confident in yourself in a first date or job interview etc, acting slightly nervous actually works better than faking confidence. Because it is already an expected, natural response from a person in your position, it feels more humane to others. So acting confident when you're not is actually risky, you will probably come off creepy and fake.

This is interesting from an autistic perspective. When I stopped masking as much and let my affect be flatter, I've gotten much more relaxed and sure of who I am but other people tend to pull away from me more and get more uncomfortable. I've been called aloof as if it's a bad thing. I don't want to change but it feels like there is no winning for me.

Great overview. I would like to add some tips too. If you are on a first date, be careful at asking questions such as "where do you work?" and "Where do you live?" and "Do you live alone?" If the other party gives a generic answer "I live in New York City" instead of a specific it is because they just met you, and do not know if they can trust you. If you push, you will seem creepy. Also, inviting your first date to somewhere isolated can be a red flag. Putting that out there for the "but she said she likes to go on hikes...." people. Yeah, a lot of us are concerned about our safety. I think another I have witnessed in the wild.. is going on and on about how pretty someone is. If you wanna say that, say it once and let it go. It becomes really weird to respond to, even if it is a genuine compliment. I wish OP gave more details or that bad first date.

18:22 When Dr. K breaks trying to convince someone to get in his van, I really wish he had a chat widget included in the VODs so we could see chat's reaction

As someone that doesnt talk much i feel this guys pain, ive had multiple jobs / coworkers tell me i would probably shoot up the place if anyone made me upset, tell me "shut up you talk to much" and such, it really is frustrating that us silent types cant just exist as ourselves without people that dont even know us making assumptions, but ive resorted to just telling people that say that shit "maybe you aren't as interesting to talk to as you think you are". Edit: Also from my expirience with my other introverted friends is when we get together we don't stop talking, as a kid my friends parents would say " at first he didnt say a word and now he wont shut up" lol. So comfort is a huge factor too. But you can't get comfortable with people that just trash you for being yourself, so leave them out and find better (:

“Why do people who don’t talk much get labeled creepy” from someone who doesn’t talk much, it’s definitely more than that. It’s also nonverbal communication that sends potentially awkward or weird signals

I feel like ADHD/ADD can come off as creepy because the distracted mind can cause you to miss things in a conversation or a facial expression change.

The ugly truth is that many woman feel unsafe at the date with any unfamiliar man. Trusting your irrational gut feeling can literally save your life. In most cases it is about safety not about insulting and humiliating introverts or neuro divergente people.

I think one of the best ways to not be seen as "creepy" is to look non-threatening and approachable. To elaborate, being well groomed, wearing nice fitted clothes, and looking like you didn't roll out of bed will get people to see you less of a creep. Also, being mindful of a conversation and asking people about themselves will get people to open up to you. It also helps not saying dumb shit like talking about gun collecting to a chick or asking what her favorite nail polish is (I know one guy that asked about that lol)

This isn't entirely relevant but to me it kind of explains why the silent treatment is so hurtful. You know the other person is angry, but they try to keep a neutral expression and ignore you, or worse, they smile and pretend they're okay while you sense that something is wrong beneath the surface. That masking of emotion is unsettling because you don't know exactly what you're dealing with - did you do something wrong? Did they just have a bad day? Covert anger is scarier to me than overt anger because I don't know where I stand with the other person. At least with overt anger I can understand the other person, maybe empathize, or maybe defend myself if needed, and it's not as scary so long as the other person doesn't start attacking me or throwing things. The emotions are being released. Can it still be hurtful? Absolutely. But it doesn't feel as bad since everything is out in the open.