How To Find Joy When You Love An Alcoholic | Kim Moore | TEDxColchester | Kim Moore | TEDxColchester

I filed for divorce today from a man that I deeply love because he is alcoholic. I am sad, but he refused to get help. We have a one year old, and she cannot witness his alcoholism. Say a little prayer for me.

It’s so lonely. It just such a lonely place being the spouse married to an addict. Questioning, doubting, wondering and praying. Being the parent your kids need. I am so lonely and tired. 🙏 Praying for you all.

“For years it’s so sneaky that you questions whether or not it’s a problem and wondering if you’re just making it all up in your heard…” wow this hit home.

i guess im the only one in this comment section with an alcholic wife. this situation we're all going through is tough. i love her way too much to leave. thats why im searching online for videos on coping and helping the best i can. i wish all of you goodluck and thank you to the lady in the video.

Sending all of you who are in love with an alcoholic, tons of love, virtual hugs & positive vibes. ❤

Just wanted to share a part from the other side. I’m the alcoholic, I’m still young and in active recovery. My long time partner had left me and even that wasn’t enough to drag me back of course. But a few months later I did quit and thankfully I got my partner back and we live a happy sober life. I’m lucky and I’m thankful for the second chance him and I both get to have. I almost lost the love of my life and that was the same for him but I’m grateful I finally saw it for what it was. Things can getter better but it’s a tough fight for sure.

Its hard to break free from the misery when it just consumes you. When you are still living with an alcoholic the anxiety over powers everything.

I just broke up with the love of my life, because he is also an alcoholic who refuses to get help. I just did it tonight. This has been very helpful. Thank you.

I just called off my wedding and walked away from my fiance because of her addiction to alcohol. I find myself stuck and lost in life now that 4 months has gone by since I said goodbye to her. I was with her for 4 years and lived with her for 2.5 years. We got a puppy together, were looking for a house together, and we even survived the pandemic together. One would think if we survived that we could do anything. Unfortunately, I too kept her addiction with alcohol private. I put all of my time and energy into hoping she would get past it. I didn't give up on her the first time she lied to me about her drinking. I didn't run when she drank too much at a friend's going away HH. I didn't leave when I would come home and she had puked all over the bed and floor from drinking while I was gone for just an hour. I didn't leave after she embarrassed herself in front of her family at Thanksgiving. She would get so mad at me for asking her if she had been drinking and would blame me for making such an assumption. I was the bad guy every conversation I tried to have with her. I couldn't help it when I would arrive home and she was acting all funny as if she had been drinking a lot but there was no alcohol around. I knew she was hiding it and lying to my face for a long period of time. The fights were exhausting me. I sat her down and shared with her how it was hurting me. I tried to take the high road after I found the booze hidden in her tall boots in the closet. I told her if you lied to me again about alcohol I couldn't stay. I gave up drinking out at social events with her to support her and show her that our relationship doesn't need alcohol (our household no longer had any either). She made it 5 months until she lied to me again. That entire 5 months I lived in fear of what I would come home to after being away. I feared her next relapse. The anxiety building inside of me sucked the joy out of me. The realization that I would be marrying an alcoholic took away all the excitement I should have been feeling about my upcoming wedding. The hardest thing I've ever done is leave her. I wanted to help her. I wanted to fix her. I wanted to see her get better and beat this demon. As I find myself dealing with heartbreak these days I'm searching for similar stories. I'm blessed to have come across Kim Moore's story. Although a sad one, it has helped me get through today. I've read almost all of the comments and will be reading them over again. This is proof that I need to let down the walls, open up to joy, and share my story. I think it's the only way to healing. I hope everyone on here has found peace and is happy again in their life. You are my hope now that I will too someday.

On the outside world he’s a hard worker. He is. Never raises his voice, never abusive. We don’t need anything, bills are always paid. But his only joy is beer. When the children were young, I was busy with them. Now that their gone, I’m so lonely. I’m depressed, I teach, so I look forward to work. I’m lonely 😞

Watching this made me break down and cry because I never tell people about my partners drinking and its making my life is difficult and miserable. I feel so much less alone from the comments. I've felt like I really am alone but this helps. I cried at the thought of my partner dying from this disease. Sending love to all of you in the same situation.

Loving an alcoholic is tough. It's comforting hearing your inner thoughts because I too think those thoughts.

The pure emptiness and loneliness kills me. When I am in crisis and need help in my life the most devastating thing is that no one is there for me. It broke me.

I have the same problem currently with my husband. I soak up every thing I can find online about what we as the wives deal with. :( Thank you for being so real. I cried.

My alcoholic husband is currently in the hospital for the second time in two months with high blood pressure and multiple strokes from his drinking. He is destroying his family, but I refuse to be destroyed along with him. I have rallied everyone with the truth, and I am not helping him hide his addiction or be complicit in his secrets. At this point we are destined for his death or our divorce if he doesn't choose wisely. I accept that I have no control over the outcome, all I can control is my attitude.

I can feel it coming too. There’s a break in the pattern and I know it’s the drink. The constant verbal abuse is the worst, he seems cold and even malevolent when he drinks but he’s so sweet and regretful when sober…and sorry. I forgive him a lot, always, he’s my soul mate. It’s killing us both. The irony is I grew up with alcoholic parents who fought a lot and verbally and physically abused me. I don’t even drink. Thankyou for sharing.

Crying right now watching this, I’ve been holding on to a relationship with my girlfriend who struggles with alcoholism. Weve been together 6 years going on 7 but I am unsure how much longer we can make it. We’ve been thru so much together, since we were 19 we’ve always took on the world together and were unbreakable. However, as the years passed, a series of choices on both of our parts heavily affected our future. When she was 20 I first started seeing the signs, but because I wanted nothing but to make her happy, I would buy us alcohol and we would drink and smoke. That was my first mistake, fueling her habits and not seeing the big picture. My second mistake was grilling her and getting upset after every screw up. There were highs and lows but nearly every time we had a big problem with it, I would blow up and become angry, which never helped the situation. Everything must be done out of love and i see that now. It’s easy to push someone away in their times if need but we need to be stronger for our loved ones and see them for who they are. They are not monsters, they have been corrupted by one and fight it everyday, more often than not alone. But we need to show love, understanding, support, and compassion or else we are doing just as much damage as they are. The last time we had an incident I threw her out of my house. She had gotten smashed, bar crawled, and drove all night drunk, eventually making it home, but with more than 1000$ worth of damage to her brand new car. She was quite violent, and although I kept my composure and got her to bed, I slept on the couch and knew that tomorrow she would have to go. My worst mistake. Abandonment affects trust and creates fear, which are perfect ways to drive someone away, and back into the botttle. Although it has been nearly 4 months of us being separated(we lived together 5 years) we are still together, and fighting this monster. There are ups and downs but I fear that I learned from my mistakes too late sometimes, and it clouds my vision but I do my best to calm my own mind, for her. I haven’t given up yet, and am trying to turn things around for the better. Despite all my faults and failures. It’s a tough road, and although sometimes doubtful, I am fully hopeful that we can defeat this demon. Stay strong everyone 💙

I appreciate this Ted talk so much. I am currently struggling with my baby's father's severe alcoholism. It has made me so unhappy and unable to fully enjoy my daughter's young years because I'm so distracted by my struggling partner. Life is so hard right now and this has given me some strength back.

Thank you for this beautiful share. I am a father of 2 beautiful children ages 2 and 3 and my wife is an alcoholic. She easily drinks a bottle of vodka a day. She has been 4 times in rehab too in the space of 3 years. Everytime she come out, I feel I have my wife back. A few months later we are back to being enslaved by the bottle. I love my wife but everyday I loose more and more love for her through the emotional and physical abuse I receive when trying taking her bank cards and car keys away from her. We barely have any intimacy because she is more than often drunk. This week my little babies had their bath for the 1st time in 5 days when I left work early because I couldn't focus on work and what was happening at home. Today I came home to my wife out cold on the bed while my babies were playing in the lounge unsupervised and this is 3:30 in the afternoon on a beautiful sunny day. I don't have friends and a social life that is nonexistent because of her addiction. You are absolutely right!! We are not making enough noise about the impacts of alcoholism and how it impacts our families. It's scary to think that she could die from it, leaving me and my babies alone on this earth. Everyone including me is so afraid and ashamed of the challenge I'm facing, for one to protect her and more importantly afraid that my kids will be taken from me. At this point I am so lost and scared but after watching your share I want to make a stand and call alcoholism out for what it is. It's a horror at the expense of my little children's well-being. Thank you thank you, thank you so much. I wish to hear more stories like yours and hopefully I one day could share my story too.

I just broke up with the most beautiful person that I have ever encountered in my life, the big problem is that he is an alcoholic! I became codependent on his alcoholism and I started to loose my smile, joy and love for my self! I started to try to control everything and it was extremely exhausting! I was not a nice person to him anymore. When I was with him I slept almost all day, to not face my reality! He stop to give me comfort when i had low days, he wanted me to focus only on his issues! Emotional Hangover, sadness, emptiness, loneliness and body issues! I feel terrible that I am not able to help him anymore!