How I Realised I was Transgender & Decided To Transition

I’ve shared this video with my mother in the hopes it will help her. I’m 30, so she’s struggling to understand how I “didn’t know” younger. Well, trauma and bad mental healthy didn’t help. I was anorexic, now I eat too much so struggle back and forth with weight. I avoided drugs and alcohol, instead I escaped into writing, working through my issues subconsciously I think. Looking back, looking at the stories I write and the characters, the signs are all there. I pushed the term away, I had always been led to believer my body issues were totally normal. That I just had to develop a thicker skin to be a tomboy, to reject the looks for having 8 guy friends to every girl, that I’d never have a close circle of girlfriends and eternally be confused about me and my place in the world. Since I’ve come out… it feels like stepping out from a dark room. It’s big, it’s scary, but I have never been so happy. I actually care about my health and appearance, I’m more caring with my friends, I’m more in touch with my feminine side while I’m exploring my masculinity then I’ve ever been. My friends all tell my I’m more confident, happier, with more energy, and I have only started socially transitioning.

Finn, thank you so much for doing this. I feel as though we could be brothers. I'm your Canadian brother :) It's uncanny how similar our stories are. I haven't shared my story publicly yet, but I'm almost there. I am pre T, 38 years old, and finally life is making sense. Thank you for being so articulate and vulnerable. Your newest friend, LJ

It is so powerful to watch this video in 2017 having seen your recent videos and being able to notice how strong you've been all of this time as a speaker: no "ums", clear message, engaging story and being able to see the mannerisms that are clearly part of your core self: your hand gestures and phrases. Your vlogs from back then are just as relevant today as today's vlogs, so thank you for taking the time to make them and thank you for keeping them around when it might be hard to see an earlier version of yourself.

Finn, I'm a trans guy and I've been having a hard time with not knowing 100% lately. This helped so much.

Thank you Jay. It certainly is common for us older guys to bumble through life without a clue as to why we feel so at odds with ourselves. looking back though the signs are so obvious!

I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. It feels good that "I'm not wrong" and that other people have gone through similar feelings about themselves and their gender. I'm 34 yo and I live in Germany, pre-t pre coming out to my family. Some close friends and a bunch of guys on the internet know... When I started "trying out he/him" pronouns something sparked in me. It felt good, it felt right. I came out to a great group of people who I've been playing video games with for almost 2 years now... They were absolutely amazing and I've never felt more accepted. My mom's reaction on the other hand frightened me, so I held back my coming out to other people "IRL" ... Until I told my best friend. She was speechless, but told me: "I'll support you, no matter what." Another year of anxiety and depression passed when I stumbled across a study for trans people who never seeked therapy but wanted to. Anyway... In two days I'll start that therapy, I still have to come out to some family and extended family etc ... And I guess I'll have to just live with a mother that might not accept me as her son. ❤️ Lots of love ~ Teddy.

I’m 35 and just recently coming to terms I’m trans and lots of these feeling your sharing is how I also felt as a child.

Thank you Finn for this video... I relate to your story as if it were my own minus the alcohol, & drug addictions. My addictions were food and I’m sure other stuff. However the Trans story is exactly how I feel. I am now 61 and finally know what’s been wrong my entire life. I started T 7 weeks ago and have been watching your T videos and bust up laughing because all those things are happening to me. It is so cool that there is someone else that has experienced similar life issues all stemming from not being in the body we were born to be! Thanks Rādie oh yea I subscribed!

I relate to your story so much. I’ve just recently come to terms with being trans and pursuing medical transition, and it feels really heartening to hear someone else with a strikingly similar childhood story. Love your personality, looking forward to more recent vids 👍🏻

When you mentioned the trying to talk about the past without adding what you know now, I had that when I had my session with the private clinic and they kept asking me the question again without relating it to right now if you get what I mean. And trying to tell them about the past is hard, I hate my old life why would I want to talk about it. I wanted to say so much but the appointment wasn't very long and it still frustrates me now that I never got the chance to tell them everything. The private clinic has short appointments so I guess they don't want you to say things that don't relate to what they're saying sorta thing.

Omg baby Finn was adorable. But seriously, watching this in comparison to your recent videos is powerful.

I know this video is old but my god, our lives are so similar. I'm 37 and am contemplating transition. I've struggled to find people to relate to...so much so that I've been trying to convince myself that I'm not trans. I thought that because I didn't feel 100% male, then I must not be. I also broke down in tears the first time I put on a binder. It was such a clear moment of recognition - I've never felt anything like it. Thank you.

I began watching this video the day before yesterday. When you began to describe your past, I thought "Hey, that's actually how it was for me too". A little later I thought "Hey, THAT is ALSO how it was for me... how peculiar, I've never heard anybody describe the same things in the same way as I experienced them!". A little later still I began to feel it was almost kind of unreal, and I thought to myself that "hey, in a moment he'll surely describe something that's nothing like anything I've experienced". But you kept doing it!... I mean, EVERYTHING you describe is my story... I mean EVERYTHING is as if you were reciting my biography, and yet it is yours. At 8:37 I had to pause the video. I haven't cried or wept in about five years, since I started on T. I'm just not very prone to crying. But at this moment the tears began to flow and they continued to flow, I started to shake and couldn't stop. This is a turning point for me, Finn. You see, I'm 57 and I didn't know there was something called trans-men until about 5 years ago. I immediately knew this is what I am, and in that sense I had come home. But I was still alone, and my surroundings were still trying to... well... prevent that I (and others like me) can thrive and lead a satisfying life. However, watching your videos and hearing your story - especially when finding myself listening to my own story but told by you who don't even know me, in combination with the videos that show how you have conquered such heavy odds as is the case - it makes me realize that maybe, just MAYBE, I too can prevail in spite of everything as I have always aspired to do, and maybe I can use it to do something that benefits other people who are at a disadvantage because of circumstances they have or had no control over. And for that I will be forever grateful... Yep, I owe you big time, my friend. :)

as i am trying to make sense of my life despite many moments of self-doubt, i am so glad to have discovered your channel. i am 28 and had just started exploring my trans identity since last year. there are so many things i can relate to in your story, and it is so hard to find a story like that online. thanks for sharing your voice, and i will def come back here from time to time especially when i am in doubt.

I know this video is like 6 years old, but your story is so similar to my own.. I always preferred dressing in my older brothers clothes over the dresses and such my nan picked for me.. as a teenager I stopped eating three meals a day but I never realised it was to get rid of my chest, I came out as lesbian when I was 14 (I hadn't heard of Trans at that point). I self-harmed for many years, until early this year actually. It wasn't until I was almost 20 that I heard of trans.. That's when I started questioning, for a while I was like "Oh, I'm non binary." but it wasn't the case, I came out to everyone in my life as FTM when I was 23 in March of 2018, and got a binder and stuff, but than my dad started making comments about you can't change your birth sex etc.. and I went back in the closet after four years of figuring things out and being completely out for a few months. But now I'm 25, and I've started the process towards becoming male, though I'm not telling my family because I need to do their comments, though I've spent most of my life having moments of wanting to cut my own breasts off.. I still have those thoughts, probably will until I get top surgery. But now that I've come out to everyone else around me but my family and have medical stuff rolling, I feel better than ever. It's nice to hear a story more like my own. Thank you Finn.

Good video Finn. I can relate to some of those experiences. I think it's a great idea to resurface some of those old vids in a different perspective now that we have been transitioning!! Take Care My Friend, you are an inspiration!!!

Very good video finn, I can tell you this when we were going out with each other I never thought you were fat, also I knew you were different when we were going out with each other with the way you dressed so I am not surprised you have decided to go trans good on you mate.

Astounding.  This is a video I will show to every person I can, trans* and not.  You truly do the world a great service with your brilliant and open way of talking about these things on your Vlog.  Thank you.

This is exactly how I am feeling at age 39. This story was mine as well. Thank you so much for this video. This is what I needed to be okay with my journey.

I can't believe it was you Finn! He's like Finn's little brother. You are awesome! Xx