why am I afraid to be happy? kati unfiltered...
112,313
Published 2021-11-15
More of my journey: • I should have said something sooner...
I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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All Comments (21)
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As an extremely lonely, socially isolated 35 year old woman I wish I could give you a hug and be your friend. Your videos help me realize my feelings are okay I'm not so alone.
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I definitely relate to the hyper-vigilant "when will the other shoe drop?" response to happiness as a result of repeated trauma, to the point where I'm just kind of resigned and not trying to find happiness anymore.
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I definitely relate to the “when will the other shoe drop?” My childhood was always living on edge , walking on eggshells shells..few years went by I got older and I met my bf at 19 and I moved in with him , he is the best thing that’s ever happened to me (: he treats me so well and I wasn’t used to that at first. I’m so used to being yelled at , manipulated , guilt tripped etc.
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Yes. This is what I have told my therapist once the antidepressants started to really kick in. I was scared to be happy, because that would allow me to actually "shoot for the stars", actually get sh*t done, stay at my next job for the long haul, make long lasting friendships....and that is scary to me. I am so used to "failing" or starting over again and again, that the idea of happiness allowing me to succeed would be a new habit I'd have to learn.
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You really nailed it. It is so uncomfortable to be happy and it's hard to get out of that comfort zone of being sad and traumatized. Sometimes I feel it is just easier to be depressed because getting past trauma is so hard.
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This is so timely for me. Just self sabotaged a whole relationship I was developing just to stay in the comfort of sadness.
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years ago I always said "If I let myself feel happy, something bad will happen" as if I was cursed. I was sabotaging myself. It took lots of work and therapy to change my mindset and realize that even if something bad did happen, better to go into it feeling happy than in constant dread.
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This was one of my biggest issues. It’s tough to get past.
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Im afraid of not being happy in the rest of my life. So i keep worrying about "searching" for a happy life. Im obsessed with trying to not make the wrong choices or carreer path.
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Being sad or unhappy is my way of getting my emotional needs met from others. I have found that they care more when I'm struggling, so when I'm doing okay, I'm afraid they'll leave me. Working on this in therapy. I hope to be truly happy and secure one day.
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I grew up in a pessimistic home and that feeling of waiting for the other she to drop and a development of self sabotage has always been part of my personality. I’m 56 now and I’m still fighting this. Thank you so much for your videos, they make me feel not so alone.
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We as people are emotional creatures. We act based off how we feel and can tend to be nervous or anxious with things such as people places and certain situations with things that are unfamiliar with . Previous events also shape how we react to new or similar things happening.
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As someone with BorderlinePD, I believe much of my fear of being happy and "okay" stems from my struggle with fear of abandonment - if I'm okay, people will think I don't need them anymore, I'm all set, and will leave. This has been a core belief of mine for as long as I can remember.
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I have never had anyone explain the purest and clearest way of how I function on a very regular basis like I just can’t believe that I’m not the only one.
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Definitely from trauma, hypervigilance, being unhappy in a stressful living situation for too long and having your romantic relationship end so suddenly and unexpected due to ghosting.
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Brene Brown says the scariest and most vulnerable emotion is joy. So ironic, but if you think about it, it's true. We're afraid to fully appreciate what can be taken away, destroyed or eventually disappoint.
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I have a different reason why I find myself being afraid to be happy. It attracts toxic people. It happens to me. Take this experience. I'm in a great mood, dancing to the music and enjoying my good mood. Then suddenly a toxic person sees me as a supply and wants to talk to me. Be a friend or in my presence. I just want to be left alone. I feel it easier at times to be in the middle.
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whenever I’m happy, ecstatic, proud of something etc. my parents and/or sister find something to criticise. they struggle to be happy when other people are because they’re unhappy with themselves. this led me to always expect that either good things won’t happen to me, or that they’ll eventually turn out bad. so in order to avoid my happy bubble being popped, I only tell select people about my accomplishments, love life etc.
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You wonderful human being.. I was literally asking the universe for a sign to tell me, what the hell ist wrong with me, and opened up Youtube, in the hopes of getting an answer. Never saw your videos, it was the first time, this popped up. I´ve been through very rough times and an even rougher healing process, but lately, life responds with so many goods and all I can see is pain.. This hit me like an anvil. Thank you
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I have BPD and in the happiest, healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. There were tough moments in the beginning but I feel safe with someone for the first time. Plus doing well in my own mental health advocacy online (including winning an award and appearing on multiple podcasts). Yet I feel like something is going to come along and take it all away or that I don’t deserve it. My partner constantly tells me I’m amazing and inspiring but I just can’t handle it.
