Why "happy" people end their lives: my story

Thank you. I lost my little sister to suicide, and I can say this. It is not a cry for help - it is about a desire to be free of the pain and the darkness. Talking about it honestly is vital, and can be life saving. Bless you Jo.

I’ve never heard this explained so well. My coworkers call me little miss sunshine. I’ve had friends tell me they wish they could be happy all the time like me. People constantly lean on me and tell me I’m such a great listener and I give the best advice. The few people I have opened up to are shocked when I tell them I have to take anxiety medication and antidepressants just to function. They’re shocked when I tell them about my childhood traumas. They’re shocked when I tell them I’ve struggled with dark, scary thoughts since I was a teen. They think because I’m always smiling, I’m funny, I’m personable, I listen to upbeat music, I wear bright colors, that means I’m happy. Generally, I guess I am. But those depressive thoughts can take over at any moment. Check on your “happy” friends. Be there for them. They might really need someone to care.

Because of my neurodiverse nature, sometimes I feel like I don’t belong here. No group understands me. I always do something wrong even when I think I’ve done my best to fit in and be like everyone else. If your opinion differs from others, they attack you emotionally. Your videos make me feel a sense of belonging in the world.

Hi, Jo. I'm a 13 year old girl who is really struggling with myself and my self worth. I have watched nearly every one of your mental health videos and watching you be able to be that bright light for me and still be able to be vulnerable with so many of us through a camera and screen means a lot to me. Being able to see you cry and waver and admit that life is hard but will get better has helped me through my darkest points. THANK YOU.

As someone who has gotten a LOT of tattoos over the past couple years, I think they're a great coping mechanism. Not only do I find the actual tattooing process oddly meditative, the art is meaningful (to me) and also stops me from doing any possible self injury to that area. As you said, sometimes we do whatever it takes to get through the moment, one moment at a time

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls: the most massive characters are seared with scars." Never give up! Thank you for discussing this important topic. You have a powerful voice and use it well. Stay strong and never fear!

I like the idea that "You don't owe your depression Honesty, depression isn't going to fight fair, so why should you?"

I've fought severe depression since 2009. Music and movies have brought me this far. This quote from my favorite movie (Castaway) is always on my mind: "And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"

Because appearing happy and truly being happy are 2 different things. Also, you can temporarily be happy while being depressed. And even if someone is happy with most things in their life, there could be one thing in their life that feels just all consuming and can drown out all other happiness in your life. And things like underlying mental health conditions and chronic conditions can make things difficult to move forward.

My mother was a truth teller, not a people pleaser. But like you, she spent much of her life struggling with chronic pain and depression. She was better at being positive for others, especially strangers, than for herself. Her health finally gave out about a year ago. She accomplished amazing things in her life, and made it to her late 70s. But her inability to fully love herself made the last years of her life horrible in ways she never would have wanted. My dad took amazing if imperfect care of her. But she still didn't feel loved or taken care of. So she got angrier and angrier, and lashed out constantly. While she was getting our absolute best, all she could tell us was how inadequate it was. Worst of all, she could only hear what we said about her perspective as anything but criticism, rather than a reason to try to see how much she was actively being loved. If you don't learn how to love yourself when you're young, mentally sharp, independent, and busy, it's really hard to be old, dependent and unable to do much but sit with yourself. You can become ungrateful in ways that would shame you. Because the dark feelings you have for yourself can obscure the warmth people give you. You'll project the feelings you have for yourself on the people around you. And you'll probably both resent them for any independence they expect of you while simultaneously resenting any they don't give you. If you have chronic health issues, you probably need to learn how to be comfortable constantly being taken care of to be who you'd like to be in your old age. Not the one who's got everything under control. Not the one who always pushes themselves. You have to be OK with not being in charge of everything around you. And you have to be ok with just being.

For many of us who were raised in emotionally neglectful surroundings, we have ingrained in us the imperative to make everyone else happy. We developed this as a coping mechanism and a survival skill. One of the ways this manifests later in life is the outward-facing "light, bright, positive, sunshine factory" facade which is the performance we put on for the benefit of the people around us. This character we act out can hide some really dark stuff that we have been conditioned to withhold and disavow. So it's heartbreaking to hear when someone so outwardly positive succumbs to the darkness, but it's not altogether surprising.

Please remember when your sitting there in the middle of the night. You Are Not alone. All of those that came before are with you. Your dogs are with you, We are with you. I am with you. One day, one hour and one minute at a time. Don't throw away your confidence of the light, that is coming.

The big event that inspired this reminds me of Robin Williams just over 8 years ago. You are definitely not alone in the fight. I can’t speak for everyone, but I understand exactly where you are coming from. I hope that you feel safe enough with people in your personal life or members of this squad to reach out when you need a helping hand.

I am not a “happy” person, I can never mask my own darkness. I clicked on this video to understand better the minds of those similar to you and safe to say, I’m shocked at how similar the feelings of depression are, the only difference is the specific coping mechanism. Thank you for sharing!!

I saw this title and clicked IMMEDIATELY. I was terrified that this was a goodbye note...and so relieved it isn't. We love you. If there's LITERALLY ANYTHING I can do, please reach out.

This is a very vulnerable video, and I want to express my appreciation that you made it. Thank you.

No one likes seeing unhappy people. They say “just be positive!” “Distract yourself!” So that’s what I do. Act all bright and cheery and fill my time with meaningless activities. But at the end of the day I’m still depressed and the other side is loudest when you’re alone with your thoughts at night.

oof, felt a lot of that. i'm not really in a headspace to elaborate on that, but i hear you, i feel you, i know what it's like. here's to everyone like us getting better

At my darkest, I found a coping mechanism that helped me - and I'm only mentioning it to see if it sparks your creativity. You talked about the future in the video - I found that was too big for me. On a bad day, I worked very hard to find something about tomorrow that I wanted to see. I let my curiosity be my light - I didn't want to miss tomorrow, as I wanted to see how it turned out. I'd worry about the day after tomorrow later. I know you'll find a way. Please know you have a lot of friends you don't know out here, and we have your back if you need us. You're someone I wish I knew in real life. I'm rooting for you. See you on the Internet...

Thank you for your attempts to normalize these hard conversations.