Making an impossible choice

My mom once told me that no matter what choice we make, we will still mourn the loss of the path not taken. It’s ok to be sad for a life we imagined but cannot have. It doesn’t mean we regret our choices or live in regret. It’s like a form of nostalgia for something that only existed in our imagination.

“You only know what you know when you know it” reminds me of Mama Doctor Jones saying, “You do the best you can with the information you have” (usually about people who feel guilty about things they did while they didn’t know they were pregnant)

I fell and shattered my ankle. Messed about for ~7 years. It wasn't impossible decision for me. The surgeon in small hospital didn't believe I was serious about chopping off my leg. Until I took out a combat torniquet and told him I was saving for a surgical saw...

As an amputee and clinical psychologist, I saw this as informative and supportive to others at the same crossroads. I have always appreciated you and your courage and emotional honesty.

The reason I started to follow you was because I'm considering amputation for my own ankle injury, with a very similar story to yours. Like you said, my first instinct wasn't to go to the surgeon, I wanted to see how other people were living with an amputated limb first, especially an ankle, and I found you a few months ago. Your videos are immensely helpful to me and have taken some of the fear and uncertainty out of this decision, while also giving me insight into challenges I never even thought about when my only thought was "if I don't have this ankle anymore, this pain will stop". So thank you for your nuanced view and your videos as I enter into talks with my medical team for this big decision.

I actually knew someone who had to make your decision. After a leg wound from an accident never healed closed, he opted for the amputation. I could not believe how happy & healthy he looked the next time I saw him! My decision was to have a hysterotomy very young. My body was making it for me anyway. It took a lot of mind work to get past it once it was done. I think there are times when our quality of life has to be the number one factor.

The word you want is "diverge." As in, "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;"

I made the decision to have a hysterectomy after YEARS of suffering with endometriosis. I know it can in no way compare to amputating a limb, but it is a decision I can’t take back. I will also never be able to have biological children. Making a choice like this is very hard, and it took my years to come to that conclusion. So, I get it.

Hey Jo, I'm going through this decision right now after 11 years living with constant pain. I had a motorbike accident 11 years ago and shattered my femur tibia and ankle. I also had a high impact wound lower leg. This all happend to my left leg. Now, after 6 surgeries, I'm facing the decision to amputate my lower left limb due to nerve damage, chronic pain, blood flow to my lower Left limb decreasing over time. Also I have a shorter leg that has messed with my back and hip. I've done everything possible to save my leg, and now at the point I've seen a vascular surgeon that would be ok with lower limb amputation. I've thought about it for the past 2 years and am now going through the process to get this happening. I enjoy your videos as it shows that it is possible to do it and live a better life. So, thank you for your videos.

I have a condition called complex regional pain syndrome. Some with my condition do make the amputation decision. For me that’s not an option but I’ve definitely considered it prior to deciding it wasn’t an option for my presentation. Pain is one of the hardest thing to live with. I have lost the use of my leg and you don’t just cope with pain but you lose parts of yourself in those new limitation. Nobody just ever jumps straight into an amputation decision. It takes so much work and courage and I respect those decisions so highly.

I did the same mental process about struggling at living home or moving 2000 miles to a bunch of strangers and see what happened. I picked option B and now have a full time job, a car, pets, friends, hobbies, and found happiness.

Jo thank you for your informational videos. I had a bad motorcycle accident 6/23/23 and on 6/28/28 I was unfortunately faced with the choice of years of surgery for a still possibly un-viable foot, so I chose amputation.... you were the first, and one of the only content creators I've found truly helpful in this trying time, thank you ❤

This resonated so much with me. Hysterectomy is a serious life altering decision as well. Losing a body part that is dysfunctional is tough decision. I mourned the loss beforehand. This was my child’s first home, but I was in serious pain and slowly bleeding to death. It needed to go to allow me to have a better life. Not a perfect life but so much better. Thank you for your frank conversation about making tough life altering decisions.

On July 21, 2023 my left leg was amputated below the knee. This was the most difficult decision I've made in my 75 years on earth. Like you, I am surrounded by family and friends who are incredibly supportive, but in the end, we are the ones that deal with all of the mental anguish, pain, fear, dread, etc. I spent 4 weeks in the hospital and TCU because of an infection in my residual limb, so I have still not had a prosthesis fitted. I spend most of my time in a wheelchair at home, trying to stay busy with some type of technical project, since I'm an ex engineer, software developer, pilot, entrepreneur, corporate exec and ex military. Being so restricted physically is a mental struggle for me. I think many amputees must face the same issues. Like you I dread the potential loss of my good leg, since it has almost exactly the same circulatory problems that the left one did. In the end, I had no choice on the left leg. My foot pain increased week to week, and I had virtually no future with the condition as it was, so amputation was my last hope to decrease my pain and regain some kind of future where I could walk. I appreciate all of the time you've taken to share your experiences over the past 4+ years. Sharing your joy and pain have reminded me of our shared humanity and our need to communicate and share with each other.

hey jo, I love what you said about blaming ourselves for the decisions we made, I used to blame myself for using unhealthy coping mechanisms like shutting my emotions, badgering myself with constant criticism, always striving for more in life, being extremely success oriented etc.but through the help of my therapist I realized that I was a very hurt person who did not know any better and I was doing the best I can with the tools I had at the time, if I knew any better I would have done anything to get better because at the core that was my intention at the beginning and it is the same now. I just now know better than that.

Jo, you have been my go to person about having an amputation. I also broke my ankle horribly and after 10 operations, including 2 fusions, developing CRPS, I had my leg amputated below the knee. I started watching your videos right before my amputation. September 7th of 2023 was my 2nd "ampuversary"

"Give yourself some freaking grace".... something I'm leaning to do following a decision that I made 32 days ago when I realized I was no longer "safe" in the environment I was living in. I don't blame myself for his actions; however I do blame myself for the seemingly countless events and lives devolving the "situation" had afterwards. I'm currently and will forever be in a "safe place" away from him but there seems to be no escape from these thoughts memories and flashbacks related to that day and other events involving him. People tell me "it's not your fault"... How could it not be when I stayed until he did and said what he did and said on that day. Thank you for having the strength to share these last couple of videos. Though I've never had to make a decision such as "chopping off" a body part; I do know what it's like to make a life altering choice to speak up. My life was "simple" before. Now; I'm faced with essentially starting over and not knowing what will happen or where I'll end up when the dust settles. I'll get through it though; as you did/have and will continue to! You're amazing! Thank you for reading this and for sharing the content that you do! We've never met and likely never will but I feel like I can relate to you. Like I know everything will be okay because someone out there somewhere else is brave enough to share that she's going through/has gone through something similar from the mental health aspect. Thank you!

The points you made about not knowing what you don't know, extending yourself grace, and being compassionate to yourself are so, so important. Thank you for putting them out there for others to hear. P.S.: Sofie was definitely in maximum cuteness mode on the couch with you.

When I was about 11 we moved abroad and this makes me think a lot about the choice my parents had to make. In the end, it was the right decision and we all have a much higher quality of life, but there were points where it was hard on all of us. As a kid, most of it went over my head, and this gives me so much empathy for how truly difficult it must have been at times.

You made me realize some people struggle with indecision over decisions with no consequences (dinner), and some struggle with indecision over decisions with huge consequences (amputation). Perhaps some with both and some with neither. I wish you well.