Why You Blame Yourself for Everything
50,731
2024-08-29に共有
Get the How to Process Emotions course here: courses.therapyinanutshell.com/emotion-processing
In this video, you’ll learn why you might blame yourself for everything, how this can be a trauma response from your childhood, and how to stop doing it. And we’re going to use Batman as an example.
It’s clear to see how taking the mental shortcut of “It’s all my fault” is actually a much easier route than the emotional gymnastics of figuring out why people do bad things.
But, if we keep blaming ourselves over time, we can end up feeling guilty, ashamed, depressed, or angry. So in this video we’ll explore this common cognitive distortion of self-blame and some practical ways to replace it with more helpful thinking.
Our brains are constantly trying to make sense of what’s happening in our world. But the brain’s interpretation is not always correct. It takes these cognitive shortcuts that aren’t completely accurate. These are called automatic thoughts. We don’t usually notice them--but we can learn to be more aware of them.
One type of automatic thought is to assume the worst. Does this sound familiar? “If I get a bad grade, I’m going to fail and never get a good job.”(Catastrophizing) Or we might see things in extremes: “Nothing good ever happens to me!” (Overgeneralizing). Blaming ourselves for things that aren’t our fault is another common automatic thought: “If I hadn’t made him mad, he wouldn’t have hit me.”
Will a bad grade mean you’ll NEVER get a good job? No.
Does nothing good ever happen to you? No.
And do you have control over the physical actions of another person? No.
But we believe these thoughts all the time. And self-blame is one of the most common forms of cognitive distortions.
Looking for affordable online counseling? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional from the comfort of your own home. Try it now for 10% off your first month: betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell
Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: courses.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_medium=YTDescr…
Support my mission on Patreon: www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell
Sign up for my newsletter: www.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=YouTube
Check out my favorite self-help books: kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books
Check out my podcast, Therapy in a Nutshell: tinpodcast.podbean.com/
Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe
If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.
Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
コメント (21)
-
Growing up around narcissistic family members and having been bullied a lot, I tend to question every move and every decision I make because it’s like I’ve been conditioned to believe that everytime something goes wrong, it’s automatically my fault.
-
I blame myself for all sorts of things because there is a belief that I can always do more to make things right or better. Never enough, starting to see that distorted thinking
-
I've lived with emotionally abusive and toxic family my whole life, plus was bullied in school, along with dealing with so many health issues (8 surgeries so far). You have no idea how freeing it is to realize everything isn't actually really my fault. I've even thought i was cursed!
-
When things went awry, when I made mistakes, even minor ones, I started saying half-kiddingly, "sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry for my very existence" because I could hear myself apologizing almost constantly. I was trying to make a joke out of that behavior, but I realized that I had truly been apologizing for my existence since I was very young.
-
Self blaming is surprisingly a comfort zone for me. Otherwise I need to take action and it is not easy. Thank you for this timely video😊
-
I really love it when I find people talking and explaining cognitive distortion. As someone struggling with performance anxiety and mood disorder it helps to understand how my brain works
-
A week ago I discovered my husband watching Porn and immediately blamed myself for not being attractive, sexy and available enough. If I was hot, he would not need to pleasure himself while looking at other women. My self-worth has plummeted and I feel gross about my body. He tells me I am hot and that he will quit but I will never be hot enough as those women on Porn. This video helps me realize that I am blaming myself for his behavior and I need to stop taking the blame...yet I still feel it's my fault for not being good enough for him.
-
Every day I say my modified version of that serenity prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and leave them in your hands, and courage to change the things I can with wisdom as to what and how.". I struggle with self blame and really appreciate this video!
-
Your are a blessing. I started watching this channel four years ago. I have not had a chance to watch it in a while and this just came a the right moment after ruminating for quite some time. I blame myself all the time. I immigrated to this country 25 years ago. I left my significant other and my bother passed away 13 years after I moved here and I always blame myself for having left. I always thought I was selfish and immature. I feel blessed for all the good that It has happened to me, however when something bad happens I think I am being punish for that. Thank you for opening my eyes and continue healing.
-
If it’s my fault then I can do something about it… letting go of that has just left me hopeless. Can’t trust anyone / anything outside of me to make anything better.
-
I love how you break down the cognitive distortion of self-blame in such an approachable way. I had a client who felt they had to take responsibility for keeping peace in their family growing up, and as an adult, they still carried that belief. It wasn’t until we explored the distorted thinking—just like you do here—that they started to question whether all the blame they were holding onto was actually fair or true. Your reminder to ask "Would I treat a friend this way?" was a game-changer for them, and now they’re starting to set boundaries with confidence. Thank you for making these insights so clear and actionable!
-
I overthink so much and just listening to your voice is soothing! It instantly calms me down. ❤
-
1) De-centering(cognitive defuse) notice yourself blaming thoughts and detach from that belief. 2) Get clear on taking responsibility (ask yourself what are all the factors led to this event happening) and write them down and assign them on a pie chart. 3) Choosing helpful, value-based action: how to tell if its your fault? it doesn't matter who to blame but if you really are to blame then ask yourself if there is a practical step that I can take now to make repairs or to learn from the experience, to prevent to happening in the future.
-
Every time I watch one of your videos, I feel a little bit lighter and more hopeful. Today was no different. Thank you for all you do in this world to teach knowledge and skills in clear and helpful ways.
-
Guilt isn't something I hear talked about a lot... but it's something I feel in abundance. I make sure to let my kids know that when I'm upset about something related to another relationship or my own issues that it isn't their fault and that I still love them. I also recognize that my temper is my responsibility and I make sure to apologize to them if I explode because CHILDREN ARE PEOPLE
-
Thank you for this video. I am an expert in feeling guilty - at least now I know why. If you could do a video on guilt and blame in relation to substance abuse, that would be very appreciated. But I know it is a big ask and a complicated topic to handle.
-
This is seriously good discussion. People pay thousands for information like this.
-
Self blame has been a major part in my. Now I've realised how much negative happens after . Its not that easy for me to remember this all the time. I'm having huge relief
-
I do blame myself for everything because I was blamed for everything even if I wasn't the problem I was the problem
-
Hello Emma, I'm just past the example of a child spilling milk and the dad having a cow. And... well... I'll listen to the rest of this, but I feel already that I understand some things in my life much much better. Thank you!!!
