SOCIAL ANXIETY: how to stop caring what other people think

Thanks for watching this episode! Have you been trying top down approaches to overcome social anxiety? Share your experience in the comments 👇

Loved these points and examples: Have empathy for yourself focus on self empathy and best social anxiety in the moment. Focus on yourself and self soothing. True empathy. Not more cognitive distortions. Bottom up approach not Top Down approach. It’s like a young child saying he feels down feeling really depressed and sad saying “My friends didn’t say hi to me, I don’t think they like me I’m not a like-able person” And then you going in there being nonchalant intellectual in your head being like: “Oh they must not have seen you. Don’t worry about it they didn’t see you, you don’t know that.” Do u see how ur completely discrediting him? Completely denying his experience. You’re giving him the message that what you think and feel it doesn’t matter it’s not true. And that’s the wrong message you want to send to yourself. And if you continue to do that you’re never gonna build deep raw solid trust in yourself. Cus ur always gonna have that polarized mind going on upstairs. So it’s always going directly to the emotions. Work through and process the emotions so you can finally begin to sense into your true personality that’s hiding in the background that’s being covered up by these emotionalized highly fueled thoughts.

As always, on target, love explanation of top down approach. What I learned with cognitive distortions is that they do play a huge role in social anxiety. That is correct. They lead as astray. They misrepresent reality. They are like veil over our eyes distorting our definitions and explanations. However this is not endemic to socially anxious. All people have filter and most people are ego-centric, jump to quick conclusions which are wrong and not explored at all. Problem is that at one hand we need to be aware that our brain is producing false information and false conclusions about others - and on another hand we need to have total self worth: ability to trust our brain and that we rely on our brain. Without total self worth we are castrated - we do not have energy, basic ability to move in life or do anything - without self worth we will naturally develop toxic shame: where we believe deep inside we are inept and we must rely on other people to explain us reality - which leads to social anxiety and basing our worth on other people, trauma bonding with them. The quickest way to heal cognitive distortions (bias, prejudiced, quick conclusions, oversimplifications) is Descartes Evil Demon hypothesis which was the basis for modern philosophy. That is to doubt everyone and everything even our brain. Yet in the same time to function in life - we have to take the risk of being wrong by taking any kind of action based on our conclusions. It is being willing to be wrong and to admit we are vulnerable and mistaken, we become less ego centric and accept other people's definitions and conclusions other than our rigid one. I see trauma as the only problem here. Trauma is creating cognitive distortions. With relentless criticism while growing up - we never learned how to trust ourselves. "Normal" and healthy people, people without panic fears, people without visible social anxiety - they are secured in their thoughts - even when wrong. If we decide to nitpick our cognitive distortions we will create worry and we will focus on our panic, we will devote energy and time on trying to resolve our thoughts - which does not work in real life, it is not functional. We are all forced to make decisions - often enough to make quick decisions. This will create only more anxiety - since we will now worry to be perfect and not to make mistakes, and not to embarrass ourselves with false claims and we will be preoccupied by trying to think "normally" and without "distortions" - while all other people will not care about their distortions, they will not think twice about hurting anyone with their words based on distortions. They will simply do their goals. Michael Jackson was extremely socially anxious. So social anxiety is not always equal to being unsuccessful in life, social anxiety is not always being avoidant to the point of not doing anything in life. Social anxiety is trauma issue, it is Complex Trauma. It is Charcot hysteria stuck inside our body - and it is not our fault. It is not fault of our bias and cognitive distortions - the only fault lies in toxic people and toxic ambient and it is not our fault to not getting psychological nutrients and information needed in our formative years when we were in toxic ambient filled with contestant relentless criticism 24/7 just for being ourselves- I would focus on toxic people - I would externalize our social anxiety into social - which is why social anxiety is named social. Problem is not inside us - problem is in social element - other people. Toxic abusive narcissistic people are causing trauma in their targets. They lie, they gaslight their target, manipulate and control them. With growing up in neglect -we never learned how to retort and manage and defend ourselves from toxic abuse in functional proper and healthy manner - instead we self learned ourselves to develop social anxiety as protective mechanism. Problem are toxic people. We can learn how to cut them off, how to recognize them, by trusting our instincts and feelings inside - instead of stifling our anxiety down - we can learn how to listen and accept our social anxiety as helper, as messenger that help us protect ourselves in social situations. There are covert narcissists, aggressive boderliners who are specialized into manipulation of easy targets: empaths. Our social anxiety is simply ability to detect such hidden parasites and alarm for us to get rid of them or learning how to handle them in healthy manner - other than castrating ourselves through self pathologizing, self blame, self hate, self lobotomy.

I agree. It's a part of self love. I always tell people What if you fully loved yourself?...would you care about what others think of you?...no you wouldn't. Giving some to your inner child is something that is overlooked sometimes when it comes to self love

Great videos nan, and really well explained.

This is an incredible video it has been very helpful for me thank you! Keep up the amazing work

Really Glad i found this channel .

thank you for helping me understand how to fix me.

Thank you - Super helpful

Rubin, thank you for putting together a channel based on your experience trying to help others. It’s so nice to see people doing positive things for the world. Thank you❤ Have you ever heard of Dr. Joe Dispenza?

Thank you.

Hello. The group link doesn't work.. It gives me this: "This content isn't available at the moment When this happens, it's usually because the owner only shared it with a small group of people or changed who can see it, or it's been deleted."

Thanks a lot

That's true

I will look at somebody, and, like he looked down to the fee and up when you walk past