STOP doing exposures if you want to overcome social anxiety

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Rubin's videos on social anxiety are brilliant- he knows what he's talking about- thank you

Thank you so much for this. This feels like the first step towards much needed clarity

Thank you, this video is actually helpful.

This is important part of social anxiety. Official medical industry for social anxiety (CBT) is placing Exposure as number one method to remove social anxiety. HOWEVER - social anxiety is trauma issue. This means Exposure will not help because social means spectrum. Social can mean many things. It can be talk to family members, to close people , to people who are fake, to violent people in the street, to dismissive people at parties, to good parties, to bad parties. We do not feel social anxiety when we are around trustworthy safe people around us. This is what CBT gets wrong - Social anxiety is fear of criticism and scrutiny. This means exposure must be done in such way where there is Desensitization and Dishabituation - which means the example of crows who get use to scarecrow - and they are not longer afraid of it. It means - if people around us are in power dynamics over us, if they can harm and hurt us - we won't get desensitized nor we will remove dysfunctional coping mechanisms. This is how narcissists develop psychopathy - they see the world as competition and as destruction of any critics and they develop fake invented world where they are gods - so that they are always in upper hand over other people and potential attack. Healing social anxiety means - that we need to have realistic view of the world where we know that in some situation the world is unfair and psychopaths in power are harming other people. In such impossible situations we have two options to be mentally healthy: 1) to make barrier in our mind away from toxic people - so that we do not fawn to them 2) to make our life goals to move away from toxic ambient and toxic people - like gathering money and resources to relocate with time. With social anxiety trauma we don't do that. We learned in ACE and ACoA childhood to: 1) fuse and enmesh with toxic people and see them as gods whom we must never say no or ignore them 2) we end up believing that world is hopeless and that we need to trauma bond and stay stuck in toxic ambient for all our life.

My problem is I’ll look at someone’s pimple or something and I just can’t look away it’s kind of weird I know.. and then I get all the anxiety symptoms and I make it weird for the both of us

I have no idea how to heal whatever my past traumas are though. I tried EMDR and I just went blank every time.

So grieving.meaning crying and letting all the past pain out? And then exposure little by little? Thanks for your videos