Amputation side surgery didn't work (again)

You're 100% allowed to be angry and annoyed and have a pity party. But as your friends said, at least you gave it a shot and now you know. That shows huge bravery and dedication 💪🏻

"i'm walking out of spite" is such a mood when you have chronic conditons. All functioning I'm doing today is purely out of spite because eff this. I feel you; we press on because damned if we let this nonsense win.

Jo, I almost never comment on the internet as a very private person and I realize you may never see this but, I wanted you to know that you are having a positive impact in the world! Watching your videos was one of the things that gave me the courage to get a diagnosis of PTSD and treatment for it 2 years ago. That has changed my life in such a big way! I don't really know you but I feel a connection to you because of the role your videos played in my life at that time. I am so sad to hear you are still having so much pain. I know you aren't necessarily religious, but I hope you wont mind me sending some prayers your way! I hope you are able to find joy even when happiness is hard to hold onto. Thanks!

I’m in a similar boat. It’s both heartbreaking and comforting to know I’m not alone. 🧡

Hearing this makes both hopeful and terrified at the same time. While I'm not an amputee. I have been suffering with back pain for almost a year now from a really bad car wreck I was in. I have surgery scheduled for Nov 16th. There's been days where I can't do anything except sit on the couch in pain. Living with chronic pain affects you in so many ways.

hugs I'm sorry, Jo. Here's to us folks out here living out of spite 🍻 We're with you the whole way and I do hope that you find out that your nerves are just as stubborn about healing as your skin is and that you'll feel a noticeable amount of pain reduction at some point. Much love <3

I'm a fellow chronic pain warrior and just bought myself a sweatshirt that reads "existing purely out of spite". Apparently it was intended for pre/teens who have been bullied, but it just fit me so well! ❤. Realizing how little control we really have in our lives is indeed frustratingly painful, and depressing. I'm glad you are finding positive coping mechanisms that work for you! Keep up the good fight! 💪🏻

I found your channel around the same time I started becoming physically disabled myself. My disability is one that will cause me pain for the rest of my life, and one that could get worse over time. It takes a lot of strength to acknowledge that the pain is here to stay, and I commend you for that. Your channel has been a huge insight into daily living as an amputee, and I really appreciate you sharing the ups and the downs. I want to go into biomedical and rehabilitation engineering, and being able to hear the thoughts of people using those devices is so, so important. It sucks that the surgery didn't help, and it's horrifying the treatment you received, but I'm glad you took us on the journey with you.

I have been dealing with chronic pain for the past twenty-one years; I have fibromyalgia and widespread osteoarthritis. I've been on pain meds for the past eighteen years, and although it has some side effects, it works, and I'm grateful. I'm going to the gym for the first time after ten months of physical therapy and a complete knee replacement, and I'm nearly able to go for a walk again. My goal is to hike and bike; we'll see, but I am hopeful. Take care, Jo; you are in my prayers!! <3

My heart dropped when I saw the title. I'm so sorry, I know you were banking on this procedure to give you pain relief and increased mobility. I've been in a flair of my own chronic condition (CFS/ME) for a few weeks now and I've also been struggling with that "what if it never gets better?" idea. I'm very grateful for what I can do, I can still bake and crochet and play video games and do college classes, and I'm grateful that I'm not in constant or excessive pain. However, the medication that I thought was going to take me all the way to remission has plateaued and I've pretty much run out of treatment methods that aren't complete pseudoscience. I'm 22 so the idea of dealing with this level of functioning for 50+ years to come is something to grapple with for sure.

As someone who is headed into my 8th year of major nerve pain that the drs say, "sorry, we cannot do anything" I have the ultimate sympathy for the pain journey you are on. I cannot say that there has ever been one thing that helped me get over the hurtle of "this is just my life now", your family and support group is the best thing to lean on when your coping mechanisms are not working. Because no matter what, you will get through that low point and back to living to the fullest you can. Biggest of hugs from me to you. This is life altering pain that unless you have had it, people do not understand. I don't know if it help, but I truly understand. You are strong enough. You can do this. Give yourself comfort and rest when you need it to keep going forward.

Sorry to hear you're going through this, but as always, I admire both your strength and humor.

TW chronic pain, mental illness I think this is the first time I've had to stop watching a video part way through and it isn't even anything you've said here. I am so angry at our medical system for the horrible mismanagement of chronic pain. I was crying, furiously, hearing you talk about your hospital experience in that first video and again here. But the absolute bitterness I felt when you mentioned being back on pain medication in the evenings to be able to afford to do things that bring you joy after relating so hard to the difficulty of having to accept that this pain might be forever. I live in chronic pain too in this god forsaken country and have tried so hard, self-advocated just short of begging, to get pain medication for this exact reason. I miss going for walks, I miss being able to be active, I miss being able to go to concerts and hikes and strolls through the park. I feel like I'm not living, but I have to work full time, I have to go to school, and I miss, so desperately, being able to have comfort and joy in my life. I went for a 15 minute walk because I was depressed and dangerously overwhelmed and then woke up at 2AM in so much pain I needed to cover my mouth and nose until I could dissociate enough to stop screaming and it broke my heart that 15 minutes of walking stole 2 days of my life. Absolutely none of this is your problem but this video broke a wall I was holding up and I have no one else to tell except the internet. I am so sorry you are in pain Jo, I wish your surgery had worked and I hope medicine does better in our lifetimes. We deserve it.

hearing you talk about chronic pain is honestly the most I've ever felt understood. you put things into words for me that I've never been able to myself

I'm sorry to hear that. coming to terms with the fact my pain is never going to get better was one of the hardest things I've gone thru and I wouldn't wish that on anyone

Hi 👋🏽 Chronic lifelong nerve pain sufferer here. I definitely feel this. The angst I felt (and still harbor) when I finally realized that I had to grieve my old life bc this is as good as it’s going ever be again was/has been/is palpable. It hit the hardest, even though it still makes me giggle when I think about it, when my family & and would talk about me replacing some of my body with bionic parts, like Cyborg. One day, when my youngest was 12ish, we were discussing this while some random body part was killing me & he said “if your brain is misfiring signals, then you’d still feel that pain no matter if you have that body part or not, right?” Damn kid ruined my dreams of having superpowers, learning how to drop into a halfpipe, enjoying a mosh pit again, teaching my kids to ski/snowboard, etc. It sucks. The whole thing sucks. And I hate that you’re also dealing with some really shitty grim realities. Bc it just absofuckinglutely sucks. XOXO

My pain is not as intense as yours, but I can relate to the hopelessness of it being neverending. I, too, haven't fully come to terms with the fact that it isn't going to get better. I wish you well, and hope you experience as much peace and happiness as possible with the body you've been given. ❤

8:39 exactly!!! I would give it another 6 months, cos that allergic reaction just busted that whole healing process. That's my thought after watching all the videos you did on the surgery❤

as someone who is also constantly trying to battle the despair about probably being in pain forever, I'm sending lots of love your way 💙

Omg I am so so sorry Jo... I cannot imagine!! Especially with how hard this surgery was with pain and your reaction