You need to stop apologizing | Mel Robbins

For girls, being assertive feels like being aggressive, and the distinction between the two is important.

I don't want your "sorry's'...just learn and move on" Grandpa joe would say to me. My grandfather would give me ,heck ...for apologizing.. He always believed that compulsive apology's were a form of Manipulation and/or giving your power away. The only time I heard him say "I'm sorry....." was at a funeral.... "I am sorry for your loss" I later researched the word as a younge person...and discovered that the word SORRY ,...was used to express "SORROW" a feeling of regret ,feeling distress, especially through sympathy with someone else's misfortune. Yet today its used as a way to keep someone weakened and /or as a habitual behaviour , with little to no reason or genuine feeling. That's my 2 cents on it...

I stopped saying I'm sorry after a chef in a kitchen I worked told me "stop saying you're sorry. what are you sorry for, you didn't do anything wrong!" It was such a habit to say I'm sorry because it's taught out of being polite or gracious. It's not. Now I still have like a ton of other stuff to free myself from, though yes I won't apologize for simple things that have nothing to do with doing anything wrong.

It’s incredible how qualifying words reduce the power of your intention and deny yourself the confidence of owning your thoughts and taking responsibility for them. A qualifying word is often used out of fear that the person receiving what you are saying will react badly, so you need to prepare them with qualifying phrases like: ‘it’s only this’ or ‘just’ that, in order to apologise for your presence and appear more ‘acceptable’ to the listener. Something I’ve caught myself doing in the past! Thank you Mel for another great inspirational video.

I LOVE this. It really is such an automatic thing to say "sorry". We are so easy to blame ourselves, even like in your example of you saying sorry to the other person who bumped into you.

This is brilliant! I only realised yesterday how often I say "I'm sorry" so I will definitely be trying this! Thank you Mel!!! Xxx

To say your sorry means you don't own your freedom to be yourself, There is no right or wrong there is progressive or destructive. You can choose your language and focus. You can choose your actions. As a coach Mel I use your work with clients so thank you.

I loved the last part about negotiating and actually asking for what you want. If only we women asked we would certainly close the gender gap!

Great topic. I hear this a lot in the work place, usually not men. There’s a book called ‘Hey Ladies. Stop Apologizing’! ‘ from Professor Maja Jovanovic that covers the research behind women apologizing compared to men.

amazing how it changes the mood of the person in front of you when you say "thanks for your patience" instead of "I'm sorry!" Thanks a lot Mel!

This so spoke to me today! I am constantly apologizing for everything and, most of the time, I don't even know why... habit? .... easier to deal with situation? ... I really can't point to one thing although I can honestly say I don't care for any of the reasons I can come up with. Your videos constantly make me look in the mirror and really think. Thank you for this topic today. I am calling Thursday my MEL DAY as I devoutly read each topic that you're sharing by email.

they should start teaching things like this at school

I do this all the time and I remember last year watching a video with the exact line... Saying thank you instead of sorry.. Because we are basically saying sorry for being alive, for being ourselves... Thank you, Mel!! ❤ ❤ ❤

“Having your own rules for what you will show up for and what you won’t...” ❤️❤️❤️

I've have always had an awareness of this but it became much more into my view watching my youngest play High School Tennis. Talk about sorrys!! Those girls would apologize when they made a shot, missed a shot, got hit by a ball from other players....I couldn't believe how often it was said. I can't speak for men, but as women, we have got to work to change our language and stop being sorry for taking up space!

That is a genius idea to replace 'sorry' with 'thank you'. It is like saying to the Universe. "I am not sorry that I am alive, I am grateful that I exist!" I got into a habit of saying: "I am sorry!" all the time when I moved to live in a different country, language and culture. I thought that it was part of being polite and that I needed to do it. I was copying it from other people until it got stuck and I started to believe i about myselft. But I think that my big wake up call has come and gone. Because I do not give a f*ck anymore...I have been nice and sorry that I do exists and it did not lead me anywhere. People started to treat me like I had something to be sorry about ...nobody was happy about me, the least of them ME. And because I was never really sorry about anything anyway, really, if I looked at it, It was like lying to people all the time. I am not sorry. I am happy that I am. The world is a glorious place!

It's also (at least for me) trying to fill an awkward silence, especially when the other person isn't saying anything. Even if I am bumped into and an "excuse me" would suffice. I am working at moving beyond feeling that I am responsible for filling those awkward silences, even when it feels uncomfortable, because the alternative is having that "foot stuffed in mouth" syndrome when I end up saying the complete opposite of what I really wanted to say!

Love your honesty and vulnerability Mel. Good tips in there too for negotiating payment for being a speaker. Thank you xx

Absolutely right! I say it all the time and I have no idea why - I certainly don't have to be sorry for anything! I Thank you for giving us ways to make positive changes and asking for what I (we) want.

So true! While im seeing this video i am rembering how many times i say im sorry when i didnt was guilty. Xoxo Colombia