4 signs of emotional abuse - Viann Nguyen-Feng

One thing people have got to remember: just because the abuser is experiencing mental health issues does not mean their treatment of you is justified, and you're not selfish or abandoning them if you have to leave the relationship because they're hurting you. Nothing makes abuse okay, and even if someone is mentally ill, they still need to take responsibility for their actions.

"Moments of kindness or calm don't invalidate the abuse." Super important to remember that. Just because someone isn't abusive 100% of the time, doesn't mean they're not abusive other times.

The saddest part is that everyone who is watching this already somewhere deep down know that the relationship is unhealthy and we're simply here for reassurance because we doubt ourselves more than the Significant Other; if we are being unjust to them although they know exactly what they are doing.

This a nice distillation of why therapy is helpful for people suffering emotional abuse. Recognizing and naming what happened, who did what, how you feel about it, and how to move forward is very liberating.

This is something that everyone needs to know so they can protect others.

My husband always said no other man would put up with me. He is a major gaslighter. I caught him in so much of that.

The problem often isn't spotting those signs of abuse, it's getting out of it, because you are attached or in love with whoever is doing it to you, so you try to make excuses for them. Having suffered from silent treatment and guilt trips for years myself until I finally reached the breaking point and got out. Even then, it still hurts.

I'm often accused of emotional abuse early on, because I shut down in a fight. I turn inward, stop talking and am processing everything that's happening. It's seen initially as the silent treatment. However, I've learned to let my partners and family know that I'm not intentionally ignoring them. I'm just trying to processing the events, make sense and determine if I did indeed make a mistake and what I should do to fix it. This has really helped ease frustration and resentment on both sides. That being said, the silent treatment is AWFUL!!! You should never do it to someone. If you're tired of talking about something, just ask the person to revisit the topic at a later time. Don't cut them off.

Being recently realising that I'm emotionally abused for almost whole of my life, it is even still left me feeling guilty for trying to defend myself from my abuser. But reaching out for help does help a lot and makes me realize that I deserve to have freedom of choice for my life. Talk to someone you trust or any health care provider, even just by talking what you've been experiencing, it helps you to know that you're not alone at least.

Ted-Ed forgot that this can can happen in the workplace as well. From boss to employee. And between coworkers too. I experienced it from both boss and coworkers at my first job. A toxic environment. Also the abuser isn't necessarily male, it can be women also.

As a Vietnamese American abuse victim (mental, emotional, physical) with severe mental illness and trauma, it makes me feel so validated that this video lesson was from a Vietnamese American person that was raised from Vietnam War refugees, as my parents are also refugees from the war and have untreated trauma. My parents went through so much, and escaped horrors just to pass it on to me. And now I have to heal what they were supposed to protect me from. Thank you for posting this.

“Moments of kindness or calm don’t invalidate the moments of abuse that are actually the part of the cycle of emotional manipulation” — 💯

I realized I was being emotionally abused when I started hoping that they would physically threaten or hurt me. It would give me something more concrete to report, and I would be believed. Without that threat, it was so hard to label.

I think it's very interesting that gaslighting and projection is such an effective tactic. Non-abusers recieve a criticism, and turn to introspection, very different to an abuser's deflection. And when this introspection has nothing concrete to find, it makes them doubt themselves even more. Whereas an abuser would not be affected by gaslighting in the slightest.

The moment I finally realized that I was being emotionally abused was when my ex began having constant struggles with me after I began going to therapy while we were on a break from speaking. My sense of self had strengthened and I learned to advocate for my feelings more, and that was something they just weren't able to handle.

1. 1:15 Content of someone's words 2. 1:48 Tone and Non Verbal Cues 3. 2:14 how someone reacts to being told they've said or done something hurtful 4. 3:00 When someone directs these behaviors, take note of whether this is part of a pattern of behavior from them

This was a tough pill to swallow. Because a lot of these are inherent coping mechanisms for abusers and abusee who can later go on to become abusers themselves.

I am a victim of emotional abuse and it took me a long time to realise it. Even though I actually worked with victims of domestic violence. I told myself that because they didn’t physically hurt me then it wasn’t the same. But it’s hurt me so much mentally and caused such anxiety and depression.

my aunt married a man with bipolar disorder that didn’t want to get cured. i remember when she used to invite my family at her house, her husband used to scream at her and at my cousin. she always looked scared of him and i could’ve see fear in her eyes. but, fortunately, my dad this summer helped my aunt to get rid of him and denounced him. my aunt got through all of that for more than 10 years and never asked for help until my dad and mom checked up on her.

This does make me think my mother has emotionally abused me all my life. How I never believed I was a good person, deserving love and respect, because she said I've always caused her and Dad trouble ever since I was born. I kept believing what she said because my culture glorifies mothers and parents, saying they are always right. If I ever told my friends about this treatment, they would brush it off as something done in every household. If I told some more friends that what she has done is emotional abuse, I would be called a snowflake for being affected by something so "miniscule". If I told my mother, she would say I'm being ridiculous, because she's my mother and would never want anything bad happen to me. Nobody realizes that they don't have a say in how much something will affect a person, and how. But I guess I'll never be able to figure my situation.